There are few things I love more than perusing Craislist personals. I prefer Casual Encounters for the superior entertainment value, but I gotta say that there are many diamonds in the misspelt rough to be found elsewhere. A personal favourite of late, via the Sydney listings...
M4W : "Vanilla I Scream - 40"
Hi, I just want to find a girlfriend and get laid. I wanted to try and find a woman to have what I think is normal sex with. I dont particularly want anything shoved up my arse, or dont want to stand in a bus queue naked with a hard on trying to make idle chit chat with your husband and or your neighbors as I shuffle up for my turn to give you one. Not really into watching you on my computer screen next to the open MYOB Tax statement on one side of the screen and you in a small window yelling and screaming while sitting on something next to it. Dont want to screw you on the street corner or in the Coles meat section. I dont want an upside down lesbian scowling at me while I screw a part of your anatomy that she is not sitting on. Dont want to be typing erotic messages with one hand while jerking off with the other, god my typing is bad enough with 2 steady hands. I dont want to have to take my wristwatch off because if my hand is that far up anything it could be dangerous for both of us, plus my watch isnt waterproof. Finally I really dont want to be sharing a cigarette with a goat when we finish either and thats not because I dont smoke.
I just want to do that thing where you lie on the bed and spread your legs I put my penis in and go in and out. We can try some different positions as long as it doesnt require any abseiling equipment and we could try some oral things as well but again dont want my penis nuzzled up to another mans while we do this. We can even say nasty things to each other as long as its not broadcast to any other parts of the world real time. Then hopefully we both cum together and collapse. After sex I dont particularly want to discuss what Tolstoy was on about either. So if there are any woman out there that do this sort of stuff any more or if this add makes you smile please drop me a line.
Genius. Pure vanilla-bean personals genius.
He really makes me wanna do it in the supermarket.
Poor chap, I hope he has found what he was looking for.
Although methinks the lady doth protest too much...
M4W : "Vanilla I Scream - 40"
Hi, I just want to find a girlfriend and get laid. I wanted to try and find a woman to have what I think is normal sex with. I dont particularly want anything shoved up my arse, or dont want to stand in a bus queue naked with a hard on trying to make idle chit chat with your husband and or your neighbors as I shuffle up for my turn to give you one. Not really into watching you on my computer screen next to the open MYOB Tax statement on one side of the screen and you in a small window yelling and screaming while sitting on something next to it. Dont want to screw you on the street corner or in the Coles meat section. I dont want an upside down lesbian scowling at me while I screw a part of your anatomy that she is not sitting on. Dont want to be typing erotic messages with one hand while jerking off with the other, god my typing is bad enough with 2 steady hands. I dont want to have to take my wristwatch off because if my hand is that far up anything it could be dangerous for both of us, plus my watch isnt waterproof. Finally I really dont want to be sharing a cigarette with a goat when we finish either and thats not because I dont smoke.
I just want to do that thing where you lie on the bed and spread your legs I put my penis in and go in and out. We can try some different positions as long as it doesnt require any abseiling equipment and we could try some oral things as well but again dont want my penis nuzzled up to another mans while we do this. We can even say nasty things to each other as long as its not broadcast to any other parts of the world real time. Then hopefully we both cum together and collapse. After sex I dont particularly want to discuss what Tolstoy was on about either. So if there are any woman out there that do this sort of stuff any more or if this add makes you smile please drop me a line.
Genius. Pure vanilla-bean personals genius.
He really makes me wanna do it in the supermarket.
Poor chap, I hope he has found what he was looking for.
Although methinks the lady doth protest too much...
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
As for the supermarket, not sure if you've heard about the "special singles night" at Coles at Bondi Wesfield...
Can't remember the exact details but on a particular day at a particular time (Monday around 7pm i think), if your single and hoping to hook up with someone, you go to the breakfast cereal aisle.
Now depending on what kind of cereal you have in your trolley shows what kind of relationship/hook up your looking for...
Special K - Sensitive and nurturing relationship
Fruit Loops - Very bubbily, looking for fun
Corn Flakes - Quite traditional
Fruit & Nuts - Guys or Girls
Crunchy Nut - Ummm I think that one speaks for itself
Would be a laugh to check out the whole thing in person