Big news...Today is DAY 2!
I self-tapered (docs not agreeable, who needs em?) myself down of my methadone over the last 2-3 weeks. And I am proud to announce that today is day 2 of being off it. How strange is that?
I had been of methadone from Dec. 5 2003 (clean since Jan 10th of 2003
) that's 4 years 3 months and 22 days if my math is right, and thats a fuckin long ass time! (although I have a friend who has been on it 18 years but still) So before I got on the methdone, I used heroin and morphine for approx 4-5 years before that so we're looking at at least 8 years without going a day without something and that's not even counting the several times a week use of other substances that started 2 years before I got into the down. (cue violin music)
So yes, technically it's the first time in over 8 years I have no opiate, or the methadone in me, it's the cleanest I've been in abour 10 years. And it is this thinking in itself that gave me what's probably the closest thing to a panic attack I've had in years on Sat night which was the last day with methadone. My wonderful hubby stayed up with me till bout 3 listening to me freak out till bout 3 am. What a amazing man he is.
As much as I hated being on the md it's still like giving up a HUGE piece of me and it changes everything (need the violins again) It was the ultimate security blanket, what kept me safe while I got sane, helped bring me back to myself, and I know I am alive now only because I made the choice to get on it and get off the down. It was a clear reminder of my past and now that connection to it is gone and I have no idea how to feel about that, happy I guess...right? no? I have no idea
Ok way to much emotional bullshit for one day, and so I leave with a gratuitous picture of cuteness
I self-tapered (docs not agreeable, who needs em?) myself down of my methadone over the last 2-3 weeks. And I am proud to announce that today is day 2 of being off it. How strange is that?
I had been of methadone from Dec. 5 2003 (clean since Jan 10th of 2003
) that's 4 years 3 months and 22 days if my math is right, and thats a fuckin long ass time! (although I have a friend who has been on it 18 years but still) So before I got on the methdone, I used heroin and morphine for approx 4-5 years before that so we're looking at at least 8 years without going a day without something and that's not even counting the several times a week use of other substances that started 2 years before I got into the down. (cue violin music) So yes, technically it's the first time in over 8 years I have no opiate, or the methadone in me, it's the cleanest I've been in abour 10 years. And it is this thinking in itself that gave me what's probably the closest thing to a panic attack I've had in years on Sat night which was the last day with methadone. My wonderful hubby stayed up with me till bout 3 listening to me freak out till bout 3 am. What a amazing man he is.
As much as I hated being on the md it's still like giving up a HUGE piece of me and it changes everything (need the violins again) It was the ultimate security blanket, what kept me safe while I got sane, helped bring me back to myself, and I know I am alive now only because I made the choice to get on it and get off the down. It was a clear reminder of my past and now that connection to it is gone and I have no idea how to feel about that, happy I guess...right? no? I have no idea
Ok way to much emotional bullshit for one day, and so I leave with a gratuitous picture of cuteness
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
I AM SOOO PROUD OF YOU LADY FRIEND!! You have been waiting to do this for a long time!! And i know you will do great! You are such a strong women!
AND yay for your floors!!! lol i bet your house is looking kinda disasterous!! But that doesn't matter, what matters is that you get your floors!
AND YAY FOR HANGING OUT! I loooooooove when we all hangout!!