wow, journal entry two days in a row, whats wrong with me? so so so....
hmmm, seems like a pointless entry, cuz i dont think i have anything to write. well, i guess i'll have to write something. i suppose what i'm typing now is something, all be it boring. ok, i will try to be interesting. want me to jump through a flaming hoop? i dont like fire particularly, so maybe not. well, i enjoy fire, it has that mesmorizing effect(affect?, i always forget which is the verb and which is the noun. i think i got it right. you know, i dont care. i will be judged by my poor grammar and limited vocab anyways) any-hoo, fire is really cool to look at, even if its jsut the small flame of a candle. the bright glow swaying back and forth and all around. its so alive. i'm starting to think i'm a pyro here. hey, remember porno for pyros. i always loved that name. what would porno for pyros actually be? a tape of a forrest fire maybe? a guy dousing himself in gasoline and igniting himself, causing him to scream and flail about. eek, not a fun death i dont think. but i think if i was severely burned, i'd ask not to be put out. i dont think i have strong enough will power to get through a tramatic ordeal like that. but who knows, maybe that would be life changing in more ways then i think. might actually turn that crap attitude of mine around. hmm, not exactly the best way to get an attitude adjustment. i imagine drowning/suffocation is another uncomfortable death. is death supposed to be comfortable. the ideal one is, sure. most people want to go in their sleep...or maybe while having sex...that would be cool. however, the other person might walk away from that a little scarred though. have to live with fucking someone to death. might earn you a pretty good reputation. " hey look, its the girl/guy that fucked that girl/guy to death. i gotta try that!" might be a local hero/whore. i sit here and think i wont even make it to thirty, but i will. then i'll be 40. then 50. and i'll still be working! 65 is the retirement age at the moment. god that sucks. i sit at work and the massive amount of time just hits me and i'm blown way. i know i'm not going to make it to 65. i cant work for 43 more years. the twenty-two ive live so far have been long enough, and i wasnt really cognicent of it until i was maybe three. but then again, maybe i'll get hit by a bus tomorrow. you just never know. i think the people that think they are going to die at any moment never do, and the people oblivious are taken on a whim like that. my goal is to not fear death, but its a bit rough with shaky faith. samurai were good about that. being christian i have to belive in heaven/hell, and being catholic, it all seems like crap. i hate that, but it does. religion is such a mess. such a source of hatred and violence. so much death in the name of it. so stupid, its so assanine. i sit here and think of the mess of the world, especially now, and its depressing. but deep down, i dont care. if all were to end tomorrow in a nuclear rainstorm, there'd be nothing i could do about it. except fate, it is what it is. wake up and live one day at a time. less worry, more happy time. boy this entry has evolved. im going to stop now before my mind wanders into something sick and twisted (if it hasnt already). again, im not going back to proofread, pardon my error. peace out, word to your mother
hmmm, seems like a pointless entry, cuz i dont think i have anything to write. well, i guess i'll have to write something. i suppose what i'm typing now is something, all be it boring. ok, i will try to be interesting. want me to jump through a flaming hoop? i dont like fire particularly, so maybe not. well, i enjoy fire, it has that mesmorizing effect(affect?, i always forget which is the verb and which is the noun. i think i got it right. you know, i dont care. i will be judged by my poor grammar and limited vocab anyways) any-hoo, fire is really cool to look at, even if its jsut the small flame of a candle. the bright glow swaying back and forth and all around. its so alive. i'm starting to think i'm a pyro here. hey, remember porno for pyros. i always loved that name. what would porno for pyros actually be? a tape of a forrest fire maybe? a guy dousing himself in gasoline and igniting himself, causing him to scream and flail about. eek, not a fun death i dont think. but i think if i was severely burned, i'd ask not to be put out. i dont think i have strong enough will power to get through a tramatic ordeal like that. but who knows, maybe that would be life changing in more ways then i think. might actually turn that crap attitude of mine around. hmm, not exactly the best way to get an attitude adjustment. i imagine drowning/suffocation is another uncomfortable death. is death supposed to be comfortable. the ideal one is, sure. most people want to go in their sleep...or maybe while having sex...that would be cool. however, the other person might walk away from that a little scarred though. have to live with fucking someone to death. might earn you a pretty good reputation. " hey look, its the girl/guy that fucked that girl/guy to death. i gotta try that!" might be a local hero/whore. i sit here and think i wont even make it to thirty, but i will. then i'll be 40. then 50. and i'll still be working! 65 is the retirement age at the moment. god that sucks. i sit at work and the massive amount of time just hits me and i'm blown way. i know i'm not going to make it to 65. i cant work for 43 more years. the twenty-two ive live so far have been long enough, and i wasnt really cognicent of it until i was maybe three. but then again, maybe i'll get hit by a bus tomorrow. you just never know. i think the people that think they are going to die at any moment never do, and the people oblivious are taken on a whim like that. my goal is to not fear death, but its a bit rough with shaky faith. samurai were good about that. being christian i have to belive in heaven/hell, and being catholic, it all seems like crap. i hate that, but it does. religion is such a mess. such a source of hatred and violence. so much death in the name of it. so stupid, its so assanine. i sit here and think of the mess of the world, especially now, and its depressing. but deep down, i dont care. if all were to end tomorrow in a nuclear rainstorm, there'd be nothing i could do about it. except fate, it is what it is. wake up and live one day at a time. less worry, more happy time. boy this entry has evolved. im going to stop now before my mind wanders into something sick and twisted (if it hasnt already). again, im not going back to proofread, pardon my error. peace out, word to your mother
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Okay, WE are a scary bunch!