nerdboy2345

i hate work. i hate everyday of the workweek, except friday after 5. i dont particulary care for sundays, because i all day i think of the horrible week that is approaching. i am far too young to me thing negative and pessimistic. i'm a huge ball of hate sometimes, i hate myself for that. i need to take my medicine on a more regular basis. you would think after 6 years i would fall into some sort of habit. i've been stuck in a rut for months now. the last two days i came home from work, ate, and slept for 12/13 hours. i sometimes think life doesnt go by fast enough, and yet i sit here and wonder where has all the time gone. i am full of contradiction. guess it comes with being manic-depressive. woo-hoo. i sometimes wonder if i really am. is it pyschoscematic? is my shrink a quack? are they jsut going out and diagnosing anyone that has some bit of unhappiness with a mental disorder. i think that sometimes. i go every three months just to get my prescrition filled. i dont tell her my problems because i dont respect her ability to help me. that probably means i need a new doctor, but i hate to go throught the hassle. gonna have to start the story from the beginning. first the was the divorce...blah blah blah. i need to mentally stronger than i am. i need to be more positive. i'm searching for a girl to fill the void in my life, because other than that aspect, my life is good. but i know no girl can fix me, i need to fix myself. im too screwed up to lay my problems on anyone else. grrr, why am i writing all this shit