This sucks, with everything that happened today there is always more burried stuff that gets dug up from a bad day. I came across Andras memorial page again today and they added a song that just brought tears to my eyes. I think when someone dies i just bottle it up and don't deal with it because i really don't want to accept the reality that they are gone. Convince myself that they are in a better place because they were an awesome sweet person. I did not even get to go to her funeral.
I don't know what to do sometimes. I am tired of being in Oklahoma. I am not so certain about my future. I am in love with Angela, but we are both in different cities right now and it is driving us both insane and making us both depressed. i know she gets down but i don't know if i let her know how much I let her know how much i miss her. Thinking about Andra and other friends that have past away just this last few years just makes me so GAH!!!!. I have many people i trully care about as friends and I have been so busy with school, art, and yes depression. Depression that I don't talk about because my other friends are going through their own things and I really don't want to talk about it and give them more stress. I need to do something. I think moving and being with Angela will help. I need to get some closure from my friend Andra dying. I need to get up to Washington and visit her memorial and leave a flower or something. It's crazy how a bad day and one song can make everything surge forward. Sigh!!!...
I think I am more of an ass to the people i really care about when they ask about stuff because i don't know how to deal with it myself. There are certain things in my life that i just can't step forward with because some things are still keeping me rooted to past memories, pain, etc. SIgh......I don't think I am going to sleep tonight. Maybe I will draw or something. I need to work on the other Angel piece of Andra. I promised myself and her I would do two of them. One that was mischievious and show her more fun side and the other more innocent, white, flowing, pure and soft. I think i have not started it yet because I am in a dark place in my own mind most the time. Playing stupid video games or overloading myself with so much stuff to do that way i can just ignore stuff. But, I can't do it anymore. Angela is not here to talk to in person, I feel like I have no one around sometimes because I make myself to busy too. I know i have friends around that care too. I think I just need a night out drinking with a good friend and get them to get me to open up. I wish Angela was here... or me there in Houston...
I don't know what to do sometimes. I am tired of being in Oklahoma. I am not so certain about my future. I am in love with Angela, but we are both in different cities right now and it is driving us both insane and making us both depressed. i know she gets down but i don't know if i let her know how much I let her know how much i miss her. Thinking about Andra and other friends that have past away just this last few years just makes me so GAH!!!!. I have many people i trully care about as friends and I have been so busy with school, art, and yes depression. Depression that I don't talk about because my other friends are going through their own things and I really don't want to talk about it and give them more stress. I need to do something. I think moving and being with Angela will help. I need to get some closure from my friend Andra dying. I need to get up to Washington and visit her memorial and leave a flower or something. It's crazy how a bad day and one song can make everything surge forward. Sigh!!!...
I think I am more of an ass to the people i really care about when they ask about stuff because i don't know how to deal with it myself. There are certain things in my life that i just can't step forward with because some things are still keeping me rooted to past memories, pain, etc. SIgh......I don't think I am going to sleep tonight. Maybe I will draw or something. I need to work on the other Angel piece of Andra. I promised myself and her I would do two of them. One that was mischievious and show her more fun side and the other more innocent, white, flowing, pure and soft. I think i have not started it yet because I am in a dark place in my own mind most the time. Playing stupid video games or overloading myself with so much stuff to do that way i can just ignore stuff. But, I can't do it anymore. Angela is not here to talk to in person, I feel like I have no one around sometimes because I make myself to busy too. I know i have friends around that care too. I think I just need a night out drinking with a good friend and get them to get me to open up. I wish Angela was here... or me there in Houston...