nenia

be.LIE.ve.in.me.

as i rape you of your purity
again
by digging up your past
fine lines in my hands
embedded with dirt
i wear a crown of your hurt

and it looks like a halo

on the way home from visiting a friend the other day my lovely car decided that it wanted to overheat and die on me.

so now i have $1000 car repairs for a new engine that i can't afford..on a car that's not even worth fixing...i'm having to borrow my parents cars to get to work, and my grandfather is taking me to work tomorrow....
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just got home from the bile/zeromancer/thrill kill kult/pigface show. was pretty fun. i've been needing to get out mah house! ..now i have a headache though. ouchhhhhhhh. oh well

i got my dreadfalls that i've been waiting on today. they're so hot. YAY.

some little girl at work today whispered to her mum that she thought i was pretty & the mum told me. it made me feel all special, when little kids say shit like that, they mean it...you can never know with anyone after innocence is tainted. i have uber bad self...
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i went to the porn store today, with my mother...haha
she bought me a porn movie called 'to bi or not to bi' and 2 magazines..my mum is really rad sometimes hehe

i was supposed to have a photoshoot today, but the photographer never showed up, called or anything..so...no extra money for me. boo. i didn't really want to do the shoot though, just wanted the money *shrugs*

the good that came out of it is that i got to go visit my mr. b for a little while. i have missed him.

i'm high as a kite i just might stop to check you out

shaking
fiending like an ADDICT
without his syringe
fix me fix me
beat me up
FUCK ME UP
scratch me til i BLEED
make it hurt
make me SCREAM
with PLEASURE
i'll come all over
you are so precious
my secret treasure
teeth clenching
into a cold empty smile
rid me of my insides
GUT ME OPEN
i'm raw and exposed
blistered and BROKEN

i got some yummy things from lush today by UPS. oh la la..i just love this stuff..i need to move to san francisco so i can work there or something...

i am looking to reserve some books at the library, anyone have any suggestions for me? please?

if you feel like it here's links to:
my photo album
(if you go, please leave comments)
and...
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i have found recently that i do not know what to say to anyone anymore. i just continue to stare, tapping on this glass in between me and possible conversations. throw a stone so that this glass may shatter? i am so distant, i don't seem to fit into anyone else's world.

kiss me deadly (right click 'save target as' if you wanna see a...
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it's cold and black
where there is supposed to be a heart
i always look back
through the hallways
the bedsheets
as i'm scraping the sand from between my toes
i wonder
where did all the pieces of me go

your fingerprints tattooed beneath my skin
my marrow is grey from your disease
i have cuts on my knees
and bruises on my thighs
tooth...
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i'm having the "winter blahs" i think...
far too many grey days and incessant amounts of snow has got this girl in a grim state.

today on my way to work i got stuck in the snow, so i had to have this truck help me out...
i got off work 2.5 hours early & had him help me get back home too. i live...
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