nellichaos

so i'm not even sure how i am doing these days...do you ever feel like you're completely losing your mind, but you don't really know why things are like that and you don't know how to fix it? because if you have, then you know how i'm feeling....i think...like i said, i don't even know....i just feel way too stressed out and for no apparent reason. i seem to have a good handle on things for school. i quit my job this morning, or at least tried to....you might be saying, "how do you 'try' to quit a job, either you do or you don't." well, i informed my employers that i was no longer going to work there, but they didn't seem to want to accept that. i guess that doesn't really change the fact that after tomorrow, i will no longer be going to work there...it just frustraits me...it's sort of like a break up....even though you don't want to be with the person anymore, you still feel really awkward telling them, even though it will really be a relief in the long run...BAH! tomorrow afternoon, i have a meeting with the dude that is my prospective employer...he is the nicest man in the entire world and has his own clothing/design company....we have a meeting where we will discuss what it is that i might be doing there *feels a little weight lifted off shoulders*

i haven't talked to bender for more than 20 minutes TOTAL all week...i am sort of geeking about that, but at the same time i can understand...i know that if one of my best friends died that i wouldn't want to talk to anyone either.....still, it makes me a little uneasy or maybe just a little sad that it's a part of his like that i can't be a part of...i can't go back in time and share the experiences that he had with jerrod and i certainly can't bulid any now....it's just a downer, in a different way. this weekend, there's a party, for all of his folk.....it was supposed to be this girl's 21st birthday party, but now its a sort of wake-celebration of life sort of dealy....i am not anticipating this being a good time, but it's the only time that i'll get to spend with him....i know we won't really get to talk because he'll be involved with other things, but one must take what one can get....

on the plus side, "the grudge" comes out this weekend and "saw" comes out next weekend...mmmmm, horror films! i am actually excited for halloween even though this month has been nothing but shit for almost everyone i know!!! i've also got some really kick ass pictures of me in my strawberry shortcake outfit that when i get unlazy and scan them, i'll put up...i know there were a couple people that wanted to see it.....