I posted this today of Facebook -
Got a lot done in the yard today. As u can see from my feet. I'm a barefoot kinda guy. Oh and we met Rodney Danger Noodle today (we named our carpet snake). But now it's wine, bbq and The National new album on high rotation.
What I didn't say afterwards was that I then spent a good hour crying.
This feels like the only space I have to vent with any kind on honesty. I don't want people freaking out and asking if I'm ok. I am. Like I'm still here are'nt I?
My Saturday afternoons are spent having a drink, BBQ'ing and listening to music on my deck. Alone. Mainly because that's how I want it, but the more I think, I wonder if I'm being selfish. I really do want to share what I have here. But that the same time, well fuck me, I'm a pain the ass. I would love to have a friend/partner come and live here and create a self sufficient lifestyle.
But then it comes back to me. I'm nearly 50 so I know some stuff, I know how to treat people with respect and equality, but really......I'm a fat fuck. Short, fat, glasses, no hair, can't hold a coversation.
why bother?