nectar

im tired
im tired of hurting
im breaking down...
you really cant be friends after a break up
ouch
it wasnt my idea
i was happy
he will miss me when im gone
i have fliped that switch..... its inevitable
its my defence mechanism
trying not to get hurt even more than i already am....
silly boys.....
they always try to come back-
i want someone to take me seriously
i want to have love - be loved and love in return
is that really too much to ask for?
FUCK.....
FUCK....
FUCK.....
im tired of crying
im tired of being numb
what happens when i lose feeling all together...

i saw him today- he wanted to hang out for a while... it made things worse....

i just want to lay down and stay down
i hate that i cried in class....
i hate that others see me cry-
im supposed to be strong damn it
grrrrrr......

im not supposed to be with boys.... but im too shy to talk to girls- and i dont know where to meet girls.......im like a prepubescent boy when it comes to beautiful women.... sigh
someday i will find happiness in a relationship-
i hope......blah
this is pitiful- really

fuck it all......
fuck them for hurting me- fuck them for walking away- fuck them for wanting me at the same time-
im tired of being told that they love me when they break up with me- just keep that to yourself- that just makes things worse....

i am a big baby
i punched a tree today- and i like trees.....sorry tree- i hope i didnt hurt its feelings....
my hand is bleeding... pain makes it all feel better....in some strange way
my heart is hurting....again
i guess it is time for more alcohol

i need a tattoo.... i have no money-
needle therapy as my friend johnnyflash calls it.....
i need a hug
i need something that is always just out of reach
i need love
i want love
im rambling and its pitiful
poor little misa........
ouch.........