as you may or may not have noticed, I have been inactive online for an insane amount of time (perhaps not for a 'normal' person, but certainly for me) and its because I have been going through a bit of a transition.
Basically I have been really torn on where I want to do and where to go in my life.
Really soon I am going to have to decide whether to apply/go to Uni to get my degree or choose professional career. I have really been questioning myself hard about how good i am at what i do now. im really unsure of my abilities at times. the critique i get is normally from friends who's opinions I second guess as i fear their comment is jaded with loyalty and i never seem to get any sort of creative critique on the sites i do have any of my portfolio on. is it not good enough to be commented on?! i dont know. this is all in my head of course as i am my own worse critic. I think its a fear thing. a fear of the unknown, a fear of only myself to blame for failure, a fear of succeeding(sp), a fear of growing an ego any bigger than the one i have already. a fear of change.
Effectively as of June 2010 my life will change and I'm scared.
Something one of my tutors said to me has kinda had my subconcious going mental. He warned me of the potential problems that could encounter from the way i design and what i want to design. basically i am potentially alienating myself from almost any corporate endevour. i dont want to be a corporate drone who is responsible for making people buy cars and shit like that. i dont want to be THAT designer. im actually kinda happy that he noticed i want to be more edgy. but the fact that he was compelled to warn me has kinda resonated, im becoming a bit sceptical of what the design industry is.
I am becoming more and more angry at the mess that our country/world is in. Im becoming more vocal and reactive to events. in response to this i have been writing graffiti where ever i go which is soon developing into more large scale pieces (hopefully). I have been looking into movements and groups around the uk that focus on the problems in the country just now and activism. i really feel like im on the cusp of becoming something new but i dont know what.
Ive become really distant with a lot of my friends due to such a busy schedule and hatred for where i live just now. its upsetting, but ive kept in touch with a few on a pretty regular basis which has been nice because its people that actually enjoy my friendship but thats not a fair thing to say as everyone is busy just now. I miss my friends. i miss not having to worry about doing college work. it sucks. summer will be an interesting one.
I HATE BEING BROKE! end of.
so yea im in a weird state of mind where i dont seem to get anything done but walk around angry and write shit on walls everywhere. woo!
Basically I have been really torn on where I want to do and where to go in my life.
Really soon I am going to have to decide whether to apply/go to Uni to get my degree or choose professional career. I have really been questioning myself hard about how good i am at what i do now. im really unsure of my abilities at times. the critique i get is normally from friends who's opinions I second guess as i fear their comment is jaded with loyalty and i never seem to get any sort of creative critique on the sites i do have any of my portfolio on. is it not good enough to be commented on?! i dont know. this is all in my head of course as i am my own worse critic. I think its a fear thing. a fear of the unknown, a fear of only myself to blame for failure, a fear of succeeding(sp), a fear of growing an ego any bigger than the one i have already. a fear of change.
Effectively as of June 2010 my life will change and I'm scared.
Something one of my tutors said to me has kinda had my subconcious going mental. He warned me of the potential problems that could encounter from the way i design and what i want to design. basically i am potentially alienating myself from almost any corporate endevour. i dont want to be a corporate drone who is responsible for making people buy cars and shit like that. i dont want to be THAT designer. im actually kinda happy that he noticed i want to be more edgy. but the fact that he was compelled to warn me has kinda resonated, im becoming a bit sceptical of what the design industry is.
I am becoming more and more angry at the mess that our country/world is in. Im becoming more vocal and reactive to events. in response to this i have been writing graffiti where ever i go which is soon developing into more large scale pieces (hopefully). I have been looking into movements and groups around the uk that focus on the problems in the country just now and activism. i really feel like im on the cusp of becoming something new but i dont know what.
Ive become really distant with a lot of my friends due to such a busy schedule and hatred for where i live just now. its upsetting, but ive kept in touch with a few on a pretty regular basis which has been nice because its people that actually enjoy my friendship but thats not a fair thing to say as everyone is busy just now. I miss my friends. i miss not having to worry about doing college work. it sucks. summer will be an interesting one.
I HATE BEING BROKE! end of.
so yea im in a weird state of mind where i dont seem to get anything done but walk around angry and write shit on walls everywhere. woo!
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
1) University
- lots of free time
- access to a stream of hot girls, unless you do a science degree...
- beer
- beer
- beer
- not much money, but you will have fun anyway
2) Work
- you get money, but not enough free time
- you may be too tired to enjoy all of your free time
- most bosses are not that good and some are terrible.
I love a good debate, hehe. If only I could learn to do it in less than 30 words.