necrocide

ok... so it has been a while since i've had someone... i've managed to not let the loneliness get to me... and now... it's getting to me... i lost one love because i was too late... now i had an interest in someone for a little while now and find out... my chances are nil... they've been with someone else for a while... i want...
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i want to destroy something today... something that will have an absense that drills melancholy into everybody's heart

this past month has been one LONG daze.... i suppose that's a good thing since i hate when time rolls by fast... but there are mornings(well, afternoons, i work the night shift) that i wake up and almost don't remember my own name... sometimes it's fun...

i dunno if any of it is a bad thing... my mind has just remained very simple lately... no...
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the job is still stressing me out and making me sore beyond belief, and i'm still enjoying it.. it's not even a month and i'm in so much better shape than i used to be...

BUT... i am on a 90-day probation period... pretty much meaning they can let me go for any stupid reason, even if i work hard and they just don't plain...
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woah life fuckin rocks!

and all i needed was a stressful job to make it that way... i'm sitting at home in my boxers and playing videogames, feeling much more allowed... nay... OBLIGATED... to do so.....

before i just felt like a loser sitting on his ass all day, and no reason to relax cuz theres no relaxation when you've got nothing to do all...
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wow... so little time to update lately...

basically... i'm making minimum wage, being worked like a dog, and i couldn't be happier about it... when i have real life things to be stressed about, i have little time to be concerned about stupid teenager things i should've been done with years ago, such as what people think of me, or whether or not i should...
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well, i'm returning to the wonderful world of employment tonight... it's been 2 and a half fricken years since i've been working, and somehow i miss it and yet i'm really nervous to be going back... i think working has been a missing link in my life...

i know i'm under my parents thumb and all, but they do show me a lot of hospitality...
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I GOTZ MEH A JOB NUCKAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fuck yeah son!

*sigh*

^ BIG FUCKIN SIGH!

i thought i was gonna get this job i'm waiting on for sure... now i'm starting to lose hope... usually a job called me back within the week when i had it... it's been over a week since i was drug tested... i've been sitting at home just for the damn call... nothing... i dunno if it's the fact that...
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d'ya ever wake up in an inexplicably relaxed mood? i'm awake and it's like things can go bad and i just won't care.... sometimes i think its the way i sleep that will put me in a bad mood... and if i get just the right amount of sleep without tossing and turning, i'll be good to go

i swore to god i'd never have...
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