neckrosabre

I don't know what to think about life anymore. I stay so depressed that it's hard to even be around my family. I technically only have one friend. I have people that say they're my friends but how often do I see or hear from them.

These feelings have been brought to the surface by a girl. I've had a thing for her ever since we first met. In the beginning it was off limits because she was one of my close friend's girlfriend. In the past we've kissed at parties, mainly due to intoxication. One night we almost went further, at most it was me giving her oral. It actually started off as a threesome, but she left the room and let me plow the other chick. Anyways, not to long ago she was with a guy and had a baby. They were living together, but he was only going through the motions. Not caring about her feelings, all he thought he needed to do was provide. She ended up leaving him due to something that came to light. I was never informed of what this was, and I haven't pryed. In due time. She moved away, to her moms in Alpharetta. So it makes it that much harder for me to go and visit her. She called me this evening just to talk, while waiting on some friends she was playing d.d. for. We talked for about twenty minutes or so. About life and leisure mostly, but she mentioned something that she had once before. About how one day she was probably going to marry me. Why say something like that?! I just have to let it go, because I know nothing will ever come of this.

Enough of back story history. I think I just need to become a hermit or at best a shut in. The outside world sucks and I want no part of any longer. The only reason I even get out is because I have to work to pay bills. Playing video games is my only means of release. I mean what else can I do. I haven't had sex in about four years now, and i've only had it twice. I rarely see the girl that took my virginity and the other I haven't seen since that night. I've had so many opportunities and just pass them up. I've realized I do these things subconciously.

I don't believe I've got anything else to say. Other than I now enjoy watching blu-ray on my big ass tv. I'm going to get Weeds Season 6 on it payday. Wow if that's the most joy I get in life, I'm a sad being.