nebel

she's dying

I don't know what to do anymore. I thought that I was doing better, that life was doing better.

I got the job. and the cold was taking a beating. I came home to my favorite material thing in the whole world in pieces on the floor. it's hard to see something as fierce as a t-rex look so crippled and defeated. I cried myself to sleep and have been sitting here feeling pitiful and hungry all day.

when I notice she isn't around. I haven't seen her since I came in. she can barely lift her legs, her breathing harsher, her eyes are glazed over and sunken into the back of her skull. she attempts to raise her gaunt head to look at me, but she can't see with those eyes or hear me...but she knows I'm there. She can't nag me or even sqeak out a hello. I know she's in pain now. But I don't know what to do. She seems so alone. and it hurts to see something once so fierce and full of life and love become so crippled and defeated. when did it happen? and what do I do now...and I hate journal entries like this. honestly HATE them. but I'm so lost. and hurt.
I can always deal with pain....

I just hate being lost. esspecially when someone else is depending on me.


and now she's gone.