neakylikeaninja

Oky Doky

So I'm really anxious to take my next set. I forget how much time has passed... I think I'm supposed to wait till May... maybe June. I wonder if Missy keeps track? I dunno. Either way, I'm excited about my next set. Y'all are going to LOVE it!! Ugh... Is it June yet?

I'm still working on moving in. We have almost everything out, but there's still bits and pieces and odds and ends and random STUFF. Moving sucks the life of me... I swear. To top it off, I moved my clothes, without thinking of what I needed other than just work clothes. So I was kinda S.O.L. the first night, but now I have a few things. It's ok though, in the next few days we aughta be all over in the new house. It's so exciting And YES, I bought batteries for my digital so I can take lots of pics of the house. The dogs and cats are over there, my poor kitten is terrified. She'll get over it, but for now, I feel bad. I'm still happy though I'll be there soon, and it's just not soon enough.

So, I talked to like my best friend ever today, and she made me feel the worst I've felt in a long time *sigh* She wanted me to fly to Arizona with her in June to see her family, my adopted family. I haven't been there in nine years, and so she really wants me to go. I told her I couldn't afford it, and couldn't really afford to take off work, and she told me to ask my mom if I could borrow enough money to go. I told her how guilty I feel that my mom has already loaned me as much as she has, and that I just can't, so she kept saying things that just made me want to cry... "But I haven't seen you in so long. My family wants to see you, they're your family too you know, and you haven't been over there in nine years. You mom will lend you the money, I know she will, parents want us to be happy, and you know she would want you to have the chance to go... ect." I'm starting to cry now. I really wish I could go, but I'm sooo fucking broke. I have bigger things to worry about than taking a vacation.

Ugh... I hate being broke. I hate relying on people. I hate wishing I could do things and knowing I can't. It's so stupid. I just feel so lonely lately. I don't hang out with anyone anymore. There was a point in my life when I had friends who were so close, I could call them at three in the morning without a second's hesitation, and they would come see me, or talk, or whatever. The only friend I have like that, got married and pregnant, and I don't really see her much. She lives in Pa., and it still leaves me empty. The girl who was my best friend my whole life, she's at college. I can't be sad about that, she really wanted to go. But we don't talk anymore. Hardly at all. She doesn't even know me anymore. I feel like no one knows me, sometimes. It's stupid to wish for friends to party with. Just someone to drink with, or watch TV, or do stupid random shit. I'm so tired of being predictable. I don't want to know what I'm going to be doing this weekend, or next. I want to have some resemblence of life, even a small one. I used to party every weekend. I used to be in an apartment full of people I considered friends almost every night, every night I could get away from my working life.God, I'm so pathetic. I'm so fucking tired.