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ncrosanct

Philadelphia - Juniata Park

Member Since 2004

Followers 2 Following 3

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Sunday Aug 01, 2004

Aug 1, 2004
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Well I wasn't going to do it but Sunday is a boring day soooo.....

[my name is]: Forrest
[in the morning i am]: usually dragging my ass out of bed to go to work.
[all i need is]: things that make my brain work
[love is]: a tough cookie to crack
[im afraid of]: being alone forever
[i dream about]: stuff that happens during the day but gets twisted into odd scenerios

-H A V E .Y O U. E V E R . .
[pictured your crush naked?]: hermits don't have time to do this
[actually seen your crush naked]: no
[fucked]: yes
[had sex]: yes
[made love]: yes
[been in love]: yes
[cried when someone died]: not when they died but long after when I thought back on them
[lied]: yes but usually really stupid lies since lying gets you nowhere.

-W H I C H . I S . B E T T E R-
[coke or pepsi]: Pepsi, drinking one right now most likely
[flowers or candy]: candy
[tall or short]: average

-W I T H .T H E. O P P O S I T E. S E X-
[what do you notice first?]: face since I have myself trained to look at that when I interact with customers from work
[last person u slow danced with]: it has been so long that I forget
[worst question to ask]: lately I find it to have been - would you like to go out sometime - if ever a question never got an answer that is it

-W H O-
[makes you laugh the most?]: usually myself since I have to be entertained somehow
[makes you smile]: I am not a smile person - I am a smirker which makes anything fair game.
[gives you a funny feeling when you see them]: no one
[do you have a crush on?]: no one
[has a crush on you?]: no one supposedly
[easiest to talk to]: my old boss Jack

-D O. Y O U .E V E R-
[sit on the internet all day waiting for someone special to I.M. you?]: there is someone special waiting to IM me?
[save aol/aim conversations]: save my ICQ history since I always might need to use a conversation for online game purposes
[wish you were a member of the opposite sex]: sometimes sure since I already have the figure for it, except the boobs
[cried because of someone saying something to you]: nope

-H A V E .Y O U .E V E R-
[fallen for your best friend]: no
[been rejected]: yes
[rejected someone]: not willingly
[used someone]: no
[been cheated on]: every time it seems
[done something you regret]: sure

-W H O .W A S .T H E .L A S T. P E R S O N-
[you talked to on the phone]: Eric
[hugged]: my mom
[you instant messaged]: a guy I play Star Wars Galaxies with
[you laughed with]: my dad

-D O .Y O U-
[color your hair]: not lately but the gray hair I am getting is making me want to
[ever get off the damn computer]: only when something is on HDTV that is worthy or I go to work
[habla espanol]: no but with all my neighbors mostly speaking it I should

-D O .Y O U / / A R E .Y O U-
[smoke cigarettes]: about 2 damn packs a day since I need something to do with my time at work
[obsessive]: more than I know
[could you live without the computer?]: depends on how long that would be
[how many peeps are on your buddylist?]: 103 but I used to have a few hundred when I played Ultima Online about 4 years ago
[what's your favorite food?]: anything that does not have mushrooms, onions or peppers
[whats ur favorite fruit?]: kiwifruit
[drink alchohol?]: of course
[like watching sunrises or sunset]: sunset all the way
[what hurts the most? physical pain or emotional pain?]: emotional since most physical pain in my book is in our minds
[trust others way too easily?]: nope since people are asses for the most part

-N U M B E R-
[of times i have had my heart broken? ]: one time that really mattered
[of hearts i have broken?] : none that I know of
[of boys i have kissed?] : none
[of girls i have kissed?] :
[of continents i have lived in?] 1
[of drugs taken illegally?] : pretty much everything but crack and heroin
[of tight friends?] : truthfully none
[of cd's that i own?] : around 100 but if I would actually go somewhere that required them I would probably burn a few thousand just in case
[of scars on my body?] : I get a new one pretty much every day from work
[of things in my past that i regret?] : not going to college even if just for the party/social aspect of it all
I KNOW: alot of stuff on alot of things
I WANT: to truly be happy one of these days
I HAVE: better toys than the kids on my block do.
I WISH: wishes weren't fantasy
I HATE: people in love that make public appearances
I MISS: doing whatever I want and not worrying that it would effect my work life which in turn effects my life in general
I FEAR: working for the next 30 some years and then dying right when I retire
I HEAR: What was that?
I SEARCH: without a treasure map it seems
I WONDER: what makes things the way they are
I REGRET: nothing for the most part
I LOVE: my mom
I ACHE: alot since I have scoliosis
I CARE: more about myself since that is who I have to deal with the most
I ALWAYS: wash my hands before and after I use the restroom
I DANCE: only when I go to see Tiesto play a set which is once a year mostly
I SING: in my work van
I CRY: only when the need arises
I DO NOT ALWAYS:
I WRITE: less than I should on matters involving work
I WIN: but I lose also
I CONFUSE: most people with my obscure conversational ability which I chalk it up as them not thinking enough
I LISTEN: to what people actually have to say even if it is the most innane thing
I CAN USUALLY BE FOUND: wondering around at work
I NEED: a life
I AM HAPPY ABOUT: not many things at the moment
I SHOULD: get a life
wtf:
Was that like thanks A LOT *with arm twisted and something sharp help to temple* or thanks a lot because it gave me something to do far longer than I thought it would take?

It didn't look that long, then I was like damn! scroll...scroll...scroll...shit. Well, I already started it I might as well finish it now.

If you don't mind.... a request.
Aug 1, 2004
wtf:
Zero communication about things of importance. He could rattle on and on about computers, cars, his work, home theater stuff whatever and I could engage him likewise but after 4 + years we are going to occasionally have to have a conversation involving his feeling and thats when he would clam. Eyes closed, no expression, no words. It was pretty painful. Once he even fell asleep. I would go from calm, to asking questions about how he feels, to giving him multiple choices hoping he'd pick one, to assuming, (that's NEVER good) and finally I realized I couldn't do it. I would end up in tears it was so frustrating. Then I started acting more and more like him which wasn't any better Great two people that can't communicate their thoughts and feelings. Wonderfuckful. He would always tell me I was lecturing, it would make me think of a college professor, one who was asking questions of a roomful of students who didn't know the answers. I wanted a two way street if I wanted a relationship at all. I had spent so much time doing all the work... looking for houses to buy, all the shopping, and housework. I started thinking maybe I should focus more energy on myself. He had a really demanding job as a plant mgr for an automotive supplier warehouse and he's young with no college degree so they can really take advantage of him. When I met him I had 2 jobs to his none though. Finally I felt like I was the only one investing anything in the relationship, he doesn't like change much, and seemed to be pretty miserable with me around and vice versa even though he blamed it on the job. Life is too short to be miserable. I figured screw it, I tried to make him happy, I'd like to see him happy, only he can make him happy and sooner or later he'll figure that out but for now he can be miserable without me...

Then there was the concrete billboard that I ignored last year that hit me in the face....

It was in my journal a while back....he had trouble defining authority *his own* and how exactly to get your workers to respect you, like if you kissed your girlfriend in front of them. *gasp* They don't have someone they love be it a mother, aunt, or sig. other?

I got through to him at the hospital. When he came into the room in the ER and tried to kiss me, the curtain wasn't drawn and there were people around so I said, "Not in front of these people." There were tears brimming my eyes but I don't think I let them go. I'm pretty sure the nurse guy thought I was nuts, then again I did hit my head.

Sorry for the long post....

next time make it A. B. C. or D wink
Aug 2, 2004

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