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nautideux

Loisada

Member Since 2005

Followers 3 Following 3

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Tuesday Jul 19, 2005

Jul 19, 2005
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The speaker's stories, if you sit up front and listen hard, are basically all alike. It is very easy to "identify". Again, "identify" means "empathize".

1.Fun with substance.
2.Gradually less fun with substance.
3.Significantly less fun with substance.
4.Increasing physical need for substance.
5.Complete loss of voluntary fun with substance.
6.Suddenly just very little fun of any sort at all
7.Dread
8.Anxiety
9.Irrational phobias
10.Dim, siren-like memories of fun with substance.
11.Trouble with authorities
12. A litany of "Losses"
13.Then more "Losses".
14.Substance is the only consolation against the pain of even more mounting "Losses".
15.Denail about it being the substance that's causing the very "Losses" it's consoling you about.
16.Terrible acknowledgement that some line has been undeniably crossed.
17."Fist at the sky", "as-God-is-my-witness" vows to buckle down and lick this thing for good and quit the substance for all time.
18.Few white knuckle days of intial success.
19. A "slip".
20.More pledges.
21.Clock watching.
22.Baroque self regulations.
23.Repeated "slips" back into substance's relief after like 2 whole days' abstinence.
24.Head-flattening guilt.
25.Self disgust.
26.Superstructures of additional self-regulations.
27.Unbelievable psychic pain.
28.Fear of impending insanity.
29.Catastrophic Financial "Losses".
30.Catastrophic loss of relationships with anyone at all "Losses".
31.Substance affording increasingly brief periods of relief.
32.Physical health "losses".
33.No relief anywhere at all.
34.Impossible to use substance enough to freeze or block feelings.
35.Hatred of substance.
36.Substance owns you.
37.Substance has you in Very serious trouble and you know it. deadly serious trouble.
38.Substance is now seen as no longer your only friend, but instead your enemy.
39.But still can't stop use of substance.
40.Substance no longer gets you high.
41. You are, as they say, "Finished". End life or turn it around. This is commonly referred to as "Bottom". You are now "finished" as a Substance-user. Left with those two choices. Eliminate your own map for keeps or "Hang In".
trixxie:
What is your PERSONAL experience with substances? Were you a "club kid" back in the day or what?!?!? I would really really like to know something about you Jim. I very much want to know at least one REAL thing about you, what you do , Who you are, Who you were...aNYTHING that doesn't read like I just picked upa random novel and flipped open o a page and started reading halfway through a chapter...give me something..what did you do today? Trix
Jul 24, 2005
trixxie:
I was just rereading this and now I see..I stopped at 7...with some minor relapses ..I don't think of myself as an addict or exaddict whatever...maybe I was just a "functionong addict" because I rarely broke my own rules, like missing work( instead I just went high hahah) and I never lost any personal relationships either..although now maybe I see because all my friends were in the same boat as me and my then boyfriend, now husband, is the most forgiving person I know....
Aug 19, 2005

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