Sitting on the beach the next afternoon, a little ways down from Kynas house, I began to get kind of melancholy and thoughtful again. I mean, my gosh, Kynas house obliterates Sinces house. No contest. Forever, as long as I can remember, Sinces house was the standard. You couldnt have a better house, with the hill and the woods and that huge fireplace that we all laid in front of. You simply couldnt beat it. Then, when we pulled up to Kynas parents beach house in the middle of the night, I was shocked. With one look it reduced Sinces to nothing. Sinces house might as well of been my house. It suddenly seemed that pathetic. If you can believe it, there was a time, albeit it brief, very, very brief, but a time none the-less, when I didnt think my house was that bad, I honestly thought I had it pretty good. But as soon as I set foot outside it, well then my entire perception of it changed. The minute I went to Sinces, everything my family had might as well have been shit. It was all crap. Immediately everything was just awful and crappy and worthless. Now, as I sat staring at the sand and water and seriously dark gray clouds and mist and everything, I was beginning to see that most likely, somewhere, there was something that would make Kynas house seem like crap also. You probably didnt even have to look all that hard. But you did have to look. You had to look. If you just went about your daily life, so embedded in things and caught up in things, for a minute or two, you might actually sort of think, that you dont have it so bad. For a few seconds, here and there, if you didnt think too much or look around or anything, you could actually be happy with your things. Maybe not completely happy but pretty close. You possibly could come pretty close to being actually happy. But once you looked around and saw where you were and where you stood in relation to everyone else, then you would feel crappy and realize that you dont have shit. Nothing. Even if you do have shit and live in a Since house, theres always a Kyna house waiting around the corner to pop out and crush you and make you feel like you literally have no shit whatsoever. Can you believe that once, very briefly, I even thought I didnt have it all that bad. But when I finally actually left my yard and headed over to Jaxs, I knew instantly that I was in sad shape and all my familys shit was complete crap. Then Sinces, and now Kynas and finally, as I sat in the sand, feeling pretty lousy and headachy and, if Im being even remotely honest, kind of lonely, I began to realize that probably, right around the corner or down the beach, a house would pop up that would make Kynas seem like mine in comparison. Probably not as bad as mine, but still.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
This is so out of character for the individuals involved, she was with that group because they WOULD NEVER do something like this.
She was attracted to their strength of character and now this almost complete clinical breakdown, with this extreme alternative behavior.
She is in disbelief, she always thought that these were people with loving caring compassionate souls and one day , like a movie , all of her reality shifted, like giant tectonic plates and and what was once up is now done and what was down is up.
Shocked, she scrambles to understand this transition which is akin to a psychotic break, all the human genuiness that she valued in these individuals now gone.