Am in a different place now. Have accepted that I will not find the answer to my friend's fiance's death. My new phrase is "it is what it is," which I got from a friend of mine. So I've been trying to think about lighter things-like why my cat consistently head buts me and chases his tail while I'm on the computer, and why my husband can watch Law and Order for hours on end without getting bored. Laughing.
Very excited. The new season of The L Word started tonight. I LOVE THAT SHOW. It's freaking addictive.
So my goal for this week is not to think too much about shitty stuff but to focus on stuff that's not so damned serious.
Very excited. The new season of The L Word started tonight. I LOVE THAT SHOW. It's freaking addictive.
So my goal for this week is not to think too much about shitty stuff but to focus on stuff that's not so damned serious.
How goes it? Hope all is well, basically I'm on the bum schedule - sleep for a little bit - then get up, do nothing; repeat...
So - your question was: what do I need to make life worthwhile?
A: I have no fucking clue
Let me fill you in on what has happened over the course of the last year:
I went to portland to play baseball. I played my freshman year - had a good time doing that - was in school, playing ball as I have pretty much the last 5 years. Then - I started having trouble with school - things really were tough and I was having a lot of trouble with small tasks. So, I thought I was ADD and I got tested. As the semester drew to a close - baseball ended, took that test, thenfinals came, and after I got my results.
The woman just sat there and read her diagnosis: she told me and my dad that I'm dyslexic and mildly depressed - I went 19 years without knowing this - you would think this would become apparent enough in school? I guess the problem was that I'm like so smart that I can compansate for all my reading problems with everything else and still be a better than average student...
After finding out this bombshell - I went home - a week later my gf of 3 years dumps me. As I fall deeper and deeper into depression she proceeds to use me for sex while still going out and partying and eventually screwing other people while I knew nothing. With a few weeks before I went back to school she told me that she had made a mistake - and wanted to get back together. So - me still being weak - I agree. I go to school, and she dumps me again. A few weeks later I find out that the class I was going to major in - I had failed.
And that I'd have to retake the class in order to go into what I wanted to.
Now - I'm at school; living alone, being single (after 3 years - and before her I had never been with a girl) and not participating in baseball for the first time in my life, while before I thought I had direction - I have no idea what I'm going to school for.
I'm lost. I know I'm only 20 - but I feel like I'm 30 - or at least that I have the soul and maturity of a 30 year old.
I thought I was going into psych, and now? Who knows - I'm taking some acting classes - see what happens with that.
Ug - excuse this rant - but I feel like you read it anywho - might as well talk right to you-
However - after all that (and you know my sordid affairs that have happened over the last month - minus the women I've been seeing) you can kinda see where I am. But I now know 2 things for certain:
That when I come back in the summer I will be working for AMC [lol] and also being a baseball coach for glencoe - and also I leave sunday for portland - I cannot wait.
Well - enough of me - adios sweet thang
Ricky
PS... You need some fun image to slap up there. Call me picky - but you need something that says, "I'm NaughtButnice"
PPS... I just got your name...see I'm sadly dyslexic
I am going to get a tattoo that says "only the educated are free" just as soon as I get some extra money.
Paris my dream, I just have NO money, maybe someday
I still have a lot of schooling. I screwed around for a little bit but now I am on track.
Why Philly? Because I want to
I love the L word. But sadly I no longer have showtime.