SO...the single life seems to be working out for me. I've been on plennty of bad dates but there have been a few that've been worth it. Mostly men this time around though-although i find myself checking out girls all the time and rarely ever men. I really thought it was going to be a lot harder to get over Amber but it took about a week and a half. This all made me think about what a waste of a year and a half that was, if it only took me a week to get over her. Maybe I never loved her at all. I'm still in the ANGER stage. Once anyone mentions her name i'm like "WHOS TALKING ABOUT THAT BITCH"-her name isnt even Amber anymore, it's BITCHFACE-even on my cellphone. But...but...if im angry about it, doesnt it mean i still care for her. Or...i dont know.
Ive completely deleted her out of my life. Her pictures: GONE. My myspace: GONE(just so i wont run into her page and be tempted to check whats happening in her sorry life) Old friends that we share: GONE.
THey are a constant reminder of how i was screwed into this relationship. The thing is...it was MY FAULT we broke up-i fucked up and ive owned up to it. I was the worst girlfriend imaginable and i dragged her down with me. I cheated and cheated until she had no self esteem. She was the most amazing girl when i first met her, then she started molding herself into me. Thats when this rage grew inside myself. I began to notice she was/is unoriginal and immature. I secretly hated her i guess.
Most of the time, when you're in a commited relationship and people know about it, constantly see you with that person, they stop treating you as a person and instead treat you as a UNIT.
"Hey are Natasha and Amber coming over?"
"Do Natasha and Amber know how to skateboard?"
etc. (i know i gave stupid examples but i just cant think on the spot)
Anyway, yea....my g/f became me-and ive worked so hard to KNOW myself and ive been through so much-TOO MUCH-for some girl to come and steal my personality. It was too much for me to handle. Not to mention, she was about 3 years younger then me so she was indeed trying to find herself, but through me.
I just had enough of it all and flipped.
Im waiting for this anger stage to pass so that i can finally just be OVER IT-not care at all about her. Completely and totally erase her out of my memories.
Have you seen ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND?
yea....like that.
Most people will say "well...you learn from your mistakes"
but im sure without her i could have learned so much more
she was young and she stole more from me then i could take away from her
Hm....now i find myself talking about her-
i guess i do care a little.
Ive completely deleted her out of my life. Her pictures: GONE. My myspace: GONE(just so i wont run into her page and be tempted to check whats happening in her sorry life) Old friends that we share: GONE.
THey are a constant reminder of how i was screwed into this relationship. The thing is...it was MY FAULT we broke up-i fucked up and ive owned up to it. I was the worst girlfriend imaginable and i dragged her down with me. I cheated and cheated until she had no self esteem. She was the most amazing girl when i first met her, then she started molding herself into me. Thats when this rage grew inside myself. I began to notice she was/is unoriginal and immature. I secretly hated her i guess.
Most of the time, when you're in a commited relationship and people know about it, constantly see you with that person, they stop treating you as a person and instead treat you as a UNIT.
"Hey are Natasha and Amber coming over?"
"Do Natasha and Amber know how to skateboard?"
etc. (i know i gave stupid examples but i just cant think on the spot)
Anyway, yea....my g/f became me-and ive worked so hard to KNOW myself and ive been through so much-TOO MUCH-for some girl to come and steal my personality. It was too much for me to handle. Not to mention, she was about 3 years younger then me so she was indeed trying to find herself, but through me.
I just had enough of it all and flipped.
Im waiting for this anger stage to pass so that i can finally just be OVER IT-not care at all about her. Completely and totally erase her out of my memories.
Have you seen ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND?
yea....like that.
Most people will say "well...you learn from your mistakes"
but im sure without her i could have learned so much more
she was young and she stole more from me then i could take away from her
Hm....now i find myself talking about her-
i guess i do care a little.
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And the anger stage sucks... Take care!