natasha

UGHHHH!!!! So, I lived with this crazy, abusive, alcoholic, posessive, delusional fucker for A YEAR AND A HALF. I tried to leave on many occasions, but he assured me that we were "meant to be" and that we would "work it out". I was SO unhappy in my situation, that I didnt leave it to that. I started informing him how much I was NOT in love with him, and how I considered that to be a terminal problem in our 'relationship'. He still insited that if I stayed, he would fix whatever was bothering me. After that, he would be angry for about a day and then forget about it. But I could not forget. It was already to the point where having sex was out of the question for me, unless I was drunk. He would get pissy after about a month and a half of sexless living... So, I would get drunk, and turn over, so that he could leave me alone for another month or two. That was when things were GOOD. When things were BAD, I had to worry about what kind of mood he was going to come home from the bar in. We could be having a great time and then, one drink later, he would be screaming at me FOR NO REASON. One time, he came back and shoved my head thru a window after doing some cocaine. Another time, he tried to choke me. I reached for the first thing I could find to hit him on the head with... It happened to be an ash tray. Instead of cracking him on the skull, I threw the ashes in his eyes, so that he couldn't come after me anymore. He spent the next 2 hours screaming, asking me why I had done such a thing. I guess he forgot I was defending myself from his chokehold. Later, he denied that he had choked me, and that my attack was unwarranted. Yeah, but HE was drunk and I was SOBER. Anyway, I figured that telling him I had cheated on him would get him to let me leave. I told him, he got pissed for a couple hours, then decided that he was gonna ask me to marry him or ask me to leave. I should've left that second. But I was really depressed. I told him that, if he was nice to me, and if he laid off the booze and other chemicals, that I would consider it. One week later, he was drunk again, and treating me like shit. So, I left. I am HAPPY NOW. Except for the fact that he still calls me, and has broken into my Yahoo mail, AND is threatening any male friend he sees that he thinks I might be sleeping with.
I know that this email is getting long... but theres still so much I left out. Like the time I found a file on his computer that was VERY well hidden. The only reason I found it, was because he had sent some raunchy pics of himself - jerking off - IN PUBLIC, to a submityourpics.com site, or something like that. That was gross... but what else was on that file made me feel like I was living with a psycho. He had taken pics of me, while I was sleeping (naked), and peeled the blanket back. It would've been fine if he had told me. But he had hidden the file, and was really embarassed when I found it. But I digress... He is a freak, and if he keeps pursuing me, I will file for a restraining order. Hopefully, he will just go away. *phew* I really needed to get that off my chest. Thanks for listening! And feel free to send your bad thoughts/bad juju his way. Go ahead and send messages if you want to discuss details I can't post in this blog.
XOXOXOXO
Natasha