narcissus

I'm so flaky, I can't even figure out how to say what I want to say. What's my focus here? Is it my non-commital self, my drive, or my lack of respect?

Anyways, I am having a problem with my trainer[s]. The main guy hasn't been doing much with me and I need to learn how to slip punches before I spar anymore. But he lets me spar anyway AND it's with the chick again who doesn't want me to hit her with my right ever again. I hit her with a hook and she looked fucking shocked. WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? WHAT AM I LEARNING IF I CAN'T HIT HER AND IF I AM STRUGGLING WITH DUCKING PUNCHES? "Hit her, it's your job." IT'S NOT MY FUCKING JOB TO HIT PEOPLE WHO DON'T BELONG IN THE RING. This already happened once before w/ some guy who was a clown.

So, I want to go to SF and train with the best trainer I have ever seen [ ]. He LOVES his fighters, this I know. But, I love King's and my b/f wants me to stay there with him. The SF guy seems to have an incredible sense of morality and this is what I want. ARGH , I'm staying at King's for now but I am only going to spar boys. I have yet to get hit w/ a punch that has hurt even a little bit, which is RIDICULOUS. It's not that there aren't any tough girls there, there are two at least who kick ass but they're about a foot shorter than me and weigh a heck less. The other girls don't really spar. Why should it be my job to hurt people?

Oh, but the b/f and I had a lovely day off FINALLY yesterday... it was great.