Well i was writting a log meaningfull first journal entry when someone messaged me a link on AIM that i clicked upon, only to soon be faced with the consequence of loosing my journal entry because the link did not create a new window.....
Mabye I'll get motivated once again sometime soon to write what i came here to write.
Mabye I'll get motivated once again sometime soon to write what i came here to write.
Hello everyone, I'm eating a turkey sandwitch, oh yea and i like drawing. The holidays just sorta wizzed by and all that jazz, usually it's the time when i get mad at everything the most. Funny though, im not usually used to getting mad, upset, yes, depressed, yes, anger is not a normal trait.
I suppose as an artist, to experience anger is a good thing, usually i go by with not experiencing any emotions, which kinda sucks, so i guess some negative energy might turn out to be a good thing after all, its better than no energy i suppose, which is the norm, well for me anyways.
You might ask, what am i angry about? Well i dunno if anyone is actually reading this, or if anyone out of that imaginary handfull readers can even relate, but im angry at myself, for not getting things done. "What things?" you may ask, unless you have an anologous brain that just reads without thinking much, or is that even a word........ anyhoo, i guess i dont get anything accomplished. Why should it matter to anyone, i dunno, your the one reading this!
So now you know that im an angry artist, and by the way ive been putting some serious thought into being a chick lately. Oh yea, now thats something to be angry about, i suppose, but just being a chick isnt as easy as it sounds, coming to a decision like that is very, um, life altering and not reversable. Coming from a sheltered christian background, (My pappy is a preacher) knowing what was going on with me when i was young was really hard to fathom, well i knew i wanted to be a girl i suppose, but i just never related it to being something that could be accomplished. Then when i actually was more self aware, it didnt really matter because my social conditioning had made me a coward on all fronts.
So then you move out and life goes on, but being as old as i am now, i really got upset i waited so long, coz now, ive grown up alot, it will be hard to hide many things that are considered masculene, and it raises serious doubts as to wether or not i will be passible, and being passible is key to me, i know that is weakness on my part to care what others think, but i dont want to be some freak, when im a perfectly okay guy, though horribly insain.
So what do i do with myself? No clue, but when i have time to think about anything, this sticks out like a metal stake in my head. Ugh, and im a bad speller.
Anyway, i spoke enough, wonder if anyone will read this : O