you might read this and laugh , telling me that im " only 21 years old" and that i have alot of time to left to find love. It still doesnt change the fact that with the standarts most people have theses days - im kinda f*cked. Im 21 years old , i still dont know how to approach a woman , Look without being a creep , "seduce" , kiss or anything physical related.

and when experience is what makes most woman attracted theses days - the Noobs like me kinda have no chances.

so anyways , lets start basics : i never experienced what we describe as "love". Well actually - it would be "mutual love". My love was always one sided. Ive always been very direct and honest about my feelings and because of that alot of women took advantage of me. i cant count how many times ive been lied to...how many times i thought things would be different.

last time was just a few months ago : it still hurts.

the worst about it is the fact that most people will tell you that "you need to be more confident"...but how in the world can you build confidence when you feel THAT unattractive , uninteresting and unwanted? its like telling someone who's depressed "stop being depressed!"...that sh*t doesnt happen over night.

What ive i learn from being single? well its kinda simple and kinda complex at the same time.
1. being single isnt the end of the world but...it hurts alot when its not by choice. the more you think about it the more you regret even trying. You even get to a point where you get used to it but isnt that a bit depressing? having to get used to it for it to not hurt as much?
2. you end up developping a slight fear of social interactions, Complexes over your personnality and physical appearance.
3. depression and mood swings do show up alot (for me atleast)

the worst in all of this is that ive had people call me out for being "selfish" because i wanted to be loved. i "dared" to want something more. I dared to feel attraction for someone. "feel lucky that you have friends and a familly! some people dont have that chance"

ive never said i wasnt glad i had that. infact,i am INCREDIBLY glad i have a lovely familly and awesome friends - they might be the only reason why im still alive to this day....

but i just want to know what love is before i die. Even if it were to last a month - id be happy.

Anyways - this was kind of all over the place. i just felt like getting this out of my system. it helps you know?