Guns
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When I show people my gun collection, they usually get really scared. "Here are my guns," I say, as I randomly aim and mock fire two fully loaded magnums. "These magnums could blow anybody's head off, but I also like to collect guns that aren't as deadly." Of course, the other guns are just as deadly. But I think it would freak someone out to be in a room of many equally deadly guns.
Collectors like me get a bad name because some people don't know how to use guns safely. My friend Eduardo goes out in the middle of busy highways to shoot his guns. I think that's crazy. What if he got hit by a car or something? When I shoot guns, my first motto is safety, off. My second motto is safety first.
People like to point out the bad things about guns, like the fact that you can aim at something and then shoot bullets at it. But debate about gun use takes away from the real questions, like how can we make bullets go faster and how many guns can we fit into one gun? If someone hates guns, try to win them over by sending them a couple bullets in the mail. This lets them know that they can come out anytime to learn about guns. This also lets them know that when they come out they will probably be shot.
You don't have to be a scientist to own a gun. The only real requirement is that you pay in cash. In some places there are waiting periods, but I usually go to the stores that don't have lines. When you fill out the ID form, make up a funny name to get a discount. Always take the gun for a test drive, because shooting bullets out of a moving car is awesome.
"Guns," my uncle used to say. "Guns. Guns. Guns." He taught me everything I know. "If it shoots, collect it," he said. "If it moves, shoot it. If it moves again, shoot it. Guns." When his ticket got called, he went out the way he wanted to: shooting. A lot of people thought this was weird, because he died of influenza.
KPB '10-'11