mysweetisrael

I have a confession to make: I think I'm somewhat of a hippy. It may be that I'm more of an ultraliberal, which tends to put one in league with the hippies. I mean, I don't slather on patchouli and listen to Yonder Mountain String Band...but I have before. My favorite bars are hippie-stoner bars. They feel like home to me. I almost never listen to jam bands at home, but I love to see them live. That's pretty much the only kind of music I'd dance to. Normally I prefer to just stand and listen and maybe nod my head a little bit. But get some good beer in me and a groovin' jam band, and I may just have to start grinding on the nearest hottie...oh wait...wrong scene.

My view of life is heavily influenced by my study of literature. I see things in terms of scenes, characters, and plotlines. I'm weird. It tends to dehumanize the whole process of living. I have to remind myself that we're all in this together.

And when I think about that I just have to act. It can be little things like quitting my job or more important things like telling a dude he needs to quit being so negative and appreciate the fact that he lives on the beach in perpetual sunshine with dolphins playing in the water.

The fucked part is that I'm thinking of leaving. I can't help it. The grass is always greener, right? Is it pathological restlessness or an honest quest for excellence? I won't settle, I assure you that, but I would love to settle down. Fuck this wandering Jew shit. I needs me a homeland, damnit, and I'm fairly certain it's not in the middle of a desert warzone.

I could go to Melbourne FL. A couple friends are going there. I could roll with them and storm that town. I know it's a more interesting scene that the one I'm in here. I love my friends here, but I have shit to do, ya know? I can't help thinking about whether or not I live in the right area, and the fact that I'm thinking about it means that I'm not. I need to go, but I kinda like it here. I'm having a good time. What urges me on is that I know I'll get bored. Just watch. You'll see. See how long it is before I start saying that my job is lame.

Terminal boredom. Our society is lame. I don't want to work in it. I really don't. I DO NO WANT TO WORK! Why is that so blasphemous? I haven't wanted to participate in this big mess since the day my mom dragged me screaming and crying into preschool. I literally tried to run out of the classroom. I knew it was a bad deal. I want my innocence back. I want my soul. I take responsibility for my shit but it's hard getting away from all Their programming, from their methodical stripping away of our hearts and minds attraction to the good and right.

I just want to be happy. Work interferes with that. I need to retire.

Peace,
msi.