myopically

fuckin' friday

how many times am i going to erase what i have written for the public eye?

honesty. that's a big fucking problem. being honest. i'm not even honest with myself. do you know what i am, what i did? the pain i cause. do you know how selfish i really am? you have no clue who i am. i'm not happy, i'm fucking...
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shit. fuck. damn.
these are all thoughts i had tonight. last night. the night before.
life change isn't easy.
it's a fucking rollercoaster.
i'm on the other side of the country
trying to find myself

doo wop dodido dorang

tell me what to do.
tell me what to think
not to mention, what to say.

i wanna get fucking high as a kite right now...
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blog, blog, blog.

i feel strange today
the wind is in my hair
twisting and twirling
i'm awake and sober
i have feelings i thought i lost
don't know what to do with them

lonely, tired, confused, hungry

i am the word
through these words
i showed you the essence of my soul
though these words i showed you
thought
feeling
emotion
through these words...
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yep, it's the weekend, i'm alive, and it's cloudy. that seems to be the norm here in late may...june... cloudy in the morning.

yesterday was a pretty tough day. let me tell you a little about it. first, i'm concerned bout certain individuals in my life. heatlh reasons, not something to be taken lightly. second my friend paul. paul and i met in rehab way...
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i love this girl... she's so nice and sweet. we spent a lot of time together today. a lot to me is two hours. when i was abusing drugs, women were the last thing on my mind. i don't think i even spoke to one in over six months. it was two weeks into rehab where i realized what the hell i was missing. the...
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what a wonderful freakin' morning. two cup o' coffee, some pink floyd, and i'm ready to take on the fucking world!!! my attitude has been rapidly changing, i don't feel like a degerate drug addict as much anymore. wow! yesterday was great. we went to this place called knott's berry farm. lot o' roller coasters. man, they're better than crack! i felt high when i...
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well, it's a holiday weekend and everyone around me, except for my house mates, is getting drunk, or stoned, or both. good for them. i really wish i could join them. why can't i? well if i do, no one will see me for a month and i'll end up dead in a gutter somewhere not wearing pants. at least i realize that, but it's...
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wow, i was really depressed the other day, wasn't i. today is a bit better. i spent a lot of time writing to new friends, and there is one in paticular i enjoy writing to especially. i'm starting to get used to newport, it kind of reminds me of being back home in baltimore less the crime and murder rate. the weather is really nice...
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i wonder what the hell i'm doing in my life. i just turned 34, i feel like an old fuck. i just moved to newport beach in california to a transitional house in hopes to get my life in order. what? oh a transitional home you ask... well, i'm a fucking drug addict and alcoholic. yep, that's me, i said it. i just got out...
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