sometimes i wish i could just turn my brain off, especially when i am trying to sleep.

when i was younger, not real young but 19-20 i used to think that all i needed to be content was:
mobility-car, or whatever
freeedom-my own place
companionship-girlfriend
financial stability-job

I was thinking about this the other day and it dawned on me that out of those 4 catagories I fill one. I still have my apartment, but thats it. I haven't had a car since august, got laid off in early November, and have been single for almost a year. And of course with all this in my head who do I see today, the ex, fucking figures. I don't miss her, or want her back or anything, but nothing drives the point home better than a visual reminder.

I don't think that I'm not content but I am begining to realize that things are lacking in my life, the optimistic attitiude that I've striveed to keep is getting a few cracks in the armor. With a few changes I think better things are around the corner, fuck I hope so.

weird this is probably the most personal thing I have ever written hear, and I'm not even sure why I am, maybe it's ust good to see it in writing, to help evaluate.