my_hero_guy

i am on edge today i need to find a job. i can't believe that i am almost broke. but, on the other hand i am fortunate just to be alive ya know? there are a lot of things that i could/should/would do differently given the chance. i run myself in to the ground. neglecting my primary needs: eating & sleeping. my priorities are so out of allignment that it scares me some times. when i feel confident that things will ultimately be ok, i am unstoppable. if i go 2 days without exercising, i start to feel atrophied, and like my body is crumbling to dust. is that normal ? lately i feel strung out, the way i felt when i had dropped down to 120 lbs btw, i am 6'2" so 120 is not a healthy weight for me. i am backup to about 150 lbs now but i have been stressing because i smoked and drank and scratched and sniffed and vomitted my inheritence to almost nothing. i had alot of real stuff to take care of like buying and maintaining my car. paying rent and nesting in my little trailer. but i goofed around a lot this year. and can not honestly say that it was much fun.