mxv

So M and I are going to see "Penny Dreadful" on Saturday. Looks like it's going to be pretty good. I also found out that I really want to see "Borat" as well. She didn't seem so hot on that idea because "it's all political". Come on, M, you're a higher thinker than that. I've heard you go off on a few things that a...
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Ya know ... I think I can get some pretty good thoughts when I apply myself to them, but still, I can get myself to writing, and suddenly I'm going on and on, making a bigger deal out of something then it really is. I probably do this in real life as well. I wish I could just communicate telepathically or some shit, so that...
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"I don't like to have deep conversations", she says.

Damn it, this is not M speaking. Again. I talk to her on the phone when she's at home and tired, and who do I get? K. That damned, life destroying, overly insensitive, fuck-the-world-and-me-too-for-all-I-care defensive shield. I just want my M.


I actually had to blast her a little for this, and I'm not sure if...
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So I've discovered something. M is pretty fucking great. When she's being herself and not her fucked up defensive shell, she's about the coolest person alive.

Yesterday was so great, and I feel like a big weight has been temporarily lifted off of me. Why temporarily? Well, I know how things are, I know my insecurities, and I know that sometimes M just isn't herself...
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So, this is technically the same day as the last message I posted, but in any case, I'm supposed to see her in a couple hours now.

I was feeling a lot better about the situation after talking with her last, and I really hope the same thing happens after today. I didn't want there to be any kind of necessary "serious talk" today, but...
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As much shit as M puts herself through, I inadvertently put her through just as much by my over psycho-analyzing. It's a big problem of mine, and while I think my conclusions are correct, bringing these up to her as often as I do only serves to stress her out even more.

The strange thing is, I only ever bring it up in the hopes...
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It's been a while indeed. I've had a lot of shit going on that nobody would really care about (What? People caring about each other? In the 21st century???), but anyway, I eventually find myself back here just about a year after ther last time I've made a post. I just have some things weighing on my mind, and absolutely nobody to convey them too....
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