mxpxfish

i have this total crush on a friend of mine...we've known eachother for a long time.....we dont get to hang out that often but when we do its the best....we go and party together and he comes home with me and sleeps in my bed and we'll talk til we fall asleep...but nothing has gone beond the friendship point....i dont think its appropriet to date him either...considering i practicly dated all of his friends while i was growing up....none of them knew eachother then but they do now...and now i cant date anybody from that group...damn it....but this guy seriously makes my heart flutter every time i see him....im just afraid to say anything to him cause his friendship is a million times more imortant than anything...hell id be his friend through it all....if he was gettin married id still be there...sure id be sad i never got my chance...but as long as i still have him in my life somehow...thats all that matters to me.

so i finally got my chance with this guy ....we were hanging out the other night drinking gin and tonics and playing old nintendo games....and he kisses me....so were getting really into it....and i stop and tell him that i dont want this to ruin our friendship...or be something that happened just cause were drunk....and right then there was a knock on the door.....his ex girlfriend was there to get her stuff back....well they ended up arguing outside for the next hour....and when he came back in he apologized and we just sat there silent watching tv til i sobered up enough to drive home....im so depressed....he called me the next day though...saying sorry somemore...and he told me that i was one of his best friends....i feel like i blew it again....like i lost another friend....i mean shit...what woulda happened if she wouldnt have showed up....and now things are wierd cause she did....

and i forgot to mention that like 6 months ago we got matching "metal" tattoos.....