mutal8

wesly willis is dead and i think this is the beginning of the end. everyone hates me because i'm an asshole and i don't trust most people. the few people i trust i don't see often as i like to but that's fine.

i'm workin my ass off so i would be broke anymore and i can finally move of the house. working a lot on things other than myself helps me not think about my current disposition in life, which is, shitty.

i'm broke broke broke. i have to move out before the family have to move. december is the month when i'm suppose to finally leave.

my plans with film have halted instead i am working on music now. learning to play the guitar. trying to finish reading, the joke, while starting to read naked by david sedaris.

i need to excercise so i could breath a little better. i need to stop smoking. i need to stop drinking. will i stop? not right now but someday when the doctors tell me i have cancer. i will at think at first, finally, i am going to die, painfully. then i will somehow regain some faith in my life and will struggle to live. i will survive cancer then live each day to the fullest.

or

i will hate myself to the end of my life(around 83 years or so) i will be alone, hated, drugged, nothing to back on and say "wow i liked my life a lot".

or

i don't know