So I just realized this is the perfect venting space. I don't have any venting space at present point. My venting space would be a place for me to be totally whiney and pathetic. Attractive I know. But I don't know anyone on here and for the time being, I really don't have to worry about anyone's feelings on here. Its not like anyone really wants to know about me, they just want my subscription fee and to get me to buy their crap. Maybe that's a rude and short sighted generalization but I did have to pay for a membership. Plus there's no way any girl on here would ever be interested in me for any other reason than to spite me.
So anyway, on to bitching.
Evidentally tonight was creepy old gay guy night. I was asked by a man sitting with another man, both almost twice my age, if I had a hairy ass. I said yes. The other said "I told you!" and they proceeded to laugh and act like a bet was made. So later the door guy to the bar comments on the old guys and I tell him what happened. He laughed and told me I should have said I had warts on my ass. I regret not saying that. As I left the club he said "good luck with the warts" and I commented back "do you have any creme you'd recommend" and he replied "Oh come back in and pull down your pants! I got some creme for you!" Yeah I set myself up for that last one. Fucking hell.
You know I am really tired of being single. Mainly because I haven't had sex in 15 months, going on 16. Sure there have been opportunities but I don't want to sleep with just anyone. I don't want to give the impression that I'm looking for a "trophy" wife. Actually that term is kind of sillt anyway. If I'm proud of who I'm with of course I'm going to want everyone to know. I very much believe whoever I fall for will be the most beautiful person in the world inside and out to me alone. I'll see things in her no one else will and vice versa. Or at least that's the fairy tale I tell myself in my head. Because of this I figure out very quickly if a girl "feels" right or not. And I don't mean feel as in physical, I mean feel as in, is me being with this girl right?
It also doesn't help that at 25 my metabolism is slowing down. I'm getting a little chuby. That is not happy. The other problem with that is I blame my lack of control on eating due to my lack of a sex life. But I don't want to sleep with someone who isn't the right person. Its kind of a bitch. I feel like I have to look good to get a girl to like me since my personality is so out there I scare off women in seconds. Isn't that horrible? I guess I'm worried I'll scare off the right girl. But then that wouldn't really fit with my idea on love because if my idea were true she would see right through me at the beginning.
Hmmm... I suppose its the stereotypical commitment problem. I have trouble committing to my ideals anymore. I've committed myself to school. I've committed myself to music even though I don't know what to do to get people to buy my CD. Oh yeah I paid to get a CD printed. Replication and all. And no one's bought it. And I don't want to do a live show unless I can get the equipment I need to do everything without any playback. I know what will kick ass and I'm not going to do it unless I can make it as kick ass as it is in my head. I have these problems a lot. I suppose its some kind of lazy perfectionism.
Oh well, I think I'm done being silly and pathetic for this moment. It very much is a momentary thing with me. Not enough sleep and all that. Weakens the mind.
So anyway, on to bitching.
Evidentally tonight was creepy old gay guy night. I was asked by a man sitting with another man, both almost twice my age, if I had a hairy ass. I said yes. The other said "I told you!" and they proceeded to laugh and act like a bet was made. So later the door guy to the bar comments on the old guys and I tell him what happened. He laughed and told me I should have said I had warts on my ass. I regret not saying that. As I left the club he said "good luck with the warts" and I commented back "do you have any creme you'd recommend" and he replied "Oh come back in and pull down your pants! I got some creme for you!" Yeah I set myself up for that last one. Fucking hell.
You know I am really tired of being single. Mainly because I haven't had sex in 15 months, going on 16. Sure there have been opportunities but I don't want to sleep with just anyone. I don't want to give the impression that I'm looking for a "trophy" wife. Actually that term is kind of sillt anyway. If I'm proud of who I'm with of course I'm going to want everyone to know. I very much believe whoever I fall for will be the most beautiful person in the world inside and out to me alone. I'll see things in her no one else will and vice versa. Or at least that's the fairy tale I tell myself in my head. Because of this I figure out very quickly if a girl "feels" right or not. And I don't mean feel as in physical, I mean feel as in, is me being with this girl right?
It also doesn't help that at 25 my metabolism is slowing down. I'm getting a little chuby. That is not happy. The other problem with that is I blame my lack of control on eating due to my lack of a sex life. But I don't want to sleep with someone who isn't the right person. Its kind of a bitch. I feel like I have to look good to get a girl to like me since my personality is so out there I scare off women in seconds. Isn't that horrible? I guess I'm worried I'll scare off the right girl. But then that wouldn't really fit with my idea on love because if my idea were true she would see right through me at the beginning.
Hmmm... I suppose its the stereotypical commitment problem. I have trouble committing to my ideals anymore. I've committed myself to school. I've committed myself to music even though I don't know what to do to get people to buy my CD. Oh yeah I paid to get a CD printed. Replication and all. And no one's bought it. And I don't want to do a live show unless I can get the equipment I need to do everything without any playback. I know what will kick ass and I'm not going to do it unless I can make it as kick ass as it is in my head. I have these problems a lot. I suppose its some kind of lazy perfectionism.
Oh well, I think I'm done being silly and pathetic for this moment. It very much is a momentary thing with me. Not enough sleep and all that. Weakens the mind.