Starving Heart
12:12 .a.m, sleep is not here yet, wrapped around my towel, my hair wet, black skies with sparkling eyes.
Putting the volume up, "you can't always get what you want", sneaky smile, dropping the towel, it's me and the mirror, nakedness, loving myself. "But if you try sometimes, you might get what you need". I love it.
Curling up my hair with my fingers almost dry. Opening the balcony window, flirty breeze. No work tomorrow, no alarm clock, no sunrise. Tonight, might not end. I love it!
No responsibilities, no long commitments, no strings attached, no heart-brokens. The night calls me, the alcohol seduces me, and the nicotine is kicking up. Full moon, white lover, transformer, magician, you know my fantasies and my nightmares. I love it.
Red lipstick, push-up bra, Black Rose perfume, vinyl knee-high boots. Photo session before getting the car keys, porn star in my bathroom, I am the star. I love it!
I get to my favorite bar, second home, no need to get carded. Jager shot, red Marlboros, Arabic movements with my hips. I steal the show, the dance floor is mine, the sweat is molding my body, and I am hallucinating with the music. I love it.
I see him, I want him, I know how to get him, I have things under control, I want his lips. I want his hands on me. He sees me, he studies me, he is hypnotized. He comes closer, he wraps me by the waist, and he licks my face. I love it And tonight it did not end.
12:12 .p.m, just woke up, the fan is my only company, no curtains, the sun hates me, and I hate the clarity of it all. No miss call, no sweet text message, no holding hands, no wake up kiss. Emptiness, I do not like it.
Raccoon eyes, dry throat, no memories. Time got stuck, I want my sunset! No plans, no aspirations, I gave up. I thought I enjoyed it. I do not like it. In fact, I hate it.
Seconds of love gets me days of nightmares, no commitments gives me a blind commitment, breaking the laws and am following rules. Things under control? I want to be control! Is he hypnotized or am I just drunk. Do I love me in the night and hate me in the morning? No wonder sleep ever comes when it is it's time
I am hungry, I need real love to love me, a safe extreme, a pure hate to wake me up, because in the end, hate is jut love dress up backwards.
is beginning to dawn on you.
You have not fully understood it or accepted it
and therefore you still try and test the old life, which is lingering already.
You would like someone to do this for you and help you live
but while sometimes this happens, we can always do that alone, if we want
I feel similarly.
EDIT: wait a sec. Was this blog just a piece of fiction or your own genuine journal?