muse25

Im nice ! And I have manners....and Im tired of being treated like Im fucking stupid because of it.

Sure I'll take the "fall" for a mistake.....and "he'll" let me....but I know what I said and did...and so does he......and we both know who's really at fault. But I dont confront people always......

Im not weak. Physically...Im make people's jaws drop. Literally. Mentally....I let people ASSUME Im "weak." but only because Im not one to be a know-it-all.....and quite frankly...I think it gives me the upperhand. Fuck you for thinking Im dumb just because Im "sweet...and kind." A little timid even. Im thinking all the time.......all the fucking time. And I ENJOY being nice.....god. Why cant everyone.

Im sorry Im venting out in this journal. This has nothing to do with any of you...your all so nice to me. And I love coming on here and reading everyones journals...and reading your comments on mine. Itsa few moments of sanity and smiles....and I love it all.

But god....tonight. Someone in my life has ripped a hole in my heart. And I'll I want to do is swallow the world largest pain killer and go to sleep...

I want to wake up in a field...and have my clothes melt off my body like sugar in the rain...and I want to walk into a pool of water...and float on my back.....and stare into the sky....with my ears submerged underwater.....so that I hear nothing.....except the sound of my lungs....inhaling and exhaling......over and over.

and if anyone here would like to join me...your welcome to. We'll have a lake filled with bodys.....and we'll listen to our breath...and nothing else.

Because sometimes its nice to know that others...know you are alive. And that you do exsist. Even if you have never met....you know that there are others....sharing the same air that you breath.


fuck him.

ahhhh. I feel better. lol....Im going to bed. Thankyou for listening.