Hello my sweet friends! Today I found a really interesting starting point for our blog.: what make me want to become a SuicideGirl.
Probably is some kind of obvious, but like a lot of girl, I had a really hard teen age. Eating disorder, self.harm, drugs, alcchol, basically I try every way I found to hurt myself. I passed across this dark period, and sometimes I feel it is still here, hidden in my mind, sometimes I'm still scared by myself, and being alone, afraid to get back to the dark side of me. But then I realized that all this pain is in my past, and I have to fight against my self and it to become a better person. And what about SuicideGirls? When I was a little girl, I was ashammed by myself, ashamed of just being in a swimsuit, ashamed of wearing a tight shirt or short panties....I always (either in summer) used to wear jeans and big, long sleeve shirt. I hate myself, I hate my body, I hate everything about me. But in the years, step by step, I learn what it means to love myself, love my body, love everything life offers to me: we only have one chance to do the best with our life, and I was wasting it, causing myself such a sufference! I decided to stop, and take again the control on my life. Now I'm trying, and trying, sometimes I have bad feelings, bad thoughts, and I have to fight: but now I know I can do this, I can prevent myself to cause other pain, to me and to other people. I AM BETTER, I know. And what the hell, I totallyfeel different! I?m more confident, I feel more beautiful...maybe it's not so true, but lovin' me and the image I see in the mirror, that's all it's important to work on, now. A song by NIN say "If you at your reflection, is it all you want to be?" ...my answer is no, of course, BUT I'M FUCKING WORK HARD ON IT! If I look in my reflection, I see a girl, I see a teenage, I see a baby, I see this girl cries, and screams, and then, finally, smile. Every life is precious, don't waste it! It's all I learn. And SuicideGirls is part of it: it's a chance to prove myself HEY I CAN DO THAT! Hey look at me, I'm a better person, I'm not afraid anymore! I have no fear anymore! I'm...just me. And, most of all, happy to be. And you all guys, with your compliments, your sweet words, your kindness, make me smile everytime I log in :) I know, it's silly, but it help me a lot, to feel more confident, ven to like myself more! THANK YOU ALL, for your support, your love, everything! I'm such a lucky girl, now I have to say it. Even if I couldn't "get pink" ever, even if I will be a "hopeful" forever...I'm happy! Because now I know, I can be what I want! And what I want now, it's just...being happy! My sweet friends, thank you again: please use your life in the best way you could, love, have fun, eat and drink whatever you like, smoke, take drugs, do everything make you feel good, but please, do everything thinking about one thing. YOU HAVE TO LOVE YOU. It's the most importnat thing in the world. I start making clothes just for this reason. My collection' subtitle is, of course, "love yourself". I try to make dresses which make feel beautiful everyone wear them, even if you're a little chubby, or too thin, or too short...it does't matter the size, I wear people, not number! FUCK SIZE, AND FASHION, AND STANDARD MODEL OF BODY! Wr all are different, we all have to love ourselves, beacuse if we don't, who could? Sorry for being so long, and so deep today...but it all comes from my heart.
Now I wanna smile, and trying being as happiest as I could...please do the same!
I send you all my love!
Your Musae
p.s. I couldn't finish this blog post without something less serious..a little pic of me, some months ago, a old I'll publish, sooner or later...enjoy it!
