I won't respond with any excuses, And if you or anyone else thinks that I have not been trying to move forward and be sure my daughter is taken care of than you all are sadly mistaken. Its when I try my FUCK WELL BEST to take care of my daughter and everything fails and backfires is when I start feeling "sorry for myself" as you put it. But i think that you fail to realize that the reason I am so frickin depressed is because no matter what I try to do it always seems to fail and my daughter SUFFERS!! So If I get depressed because I feel that I am not able to provide for my daughter, I fail to see how this is me thinking about myself When ALL I want is whats best for my daughter!! And what if whats best for her is to be out of her life???????? How do I know????? I don't make excuses, I don't make up stories, I just want ANSWERS DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!! is that too much to ask????????? i don't think so.......................
I appreciate your concern, really I do.
But 2 things you are missing, I am so BROKE right now I can't even pay attention!! And because the "state says" we make too much money we cannot get any kind of aid. INCLUDING medical help!!! I find it funny that a budget counsler says that we are negitive 8 - 900.00 a month because of the outstanding bills/payments we have and "the state" says we make too much money????? Its LAUGHABLE!!!! So you see, I have to face this alone, Lynn is no help, Tara is no help, I just have to tough it out and do what I can to get myself and my family through this crisis. I have handled stress before, I have even considered suicide before, but I have always been able to tap an inner strength to pull myself through. Its just taking a "little" longer this time because it not only affects me, Cause if it was just me I would have been dead long ago, Its taking longer to tap my inner strength now because its my family that is suffering and I feel powerless to do anything to fix it!!! And THAT my dear is what is causing my depression NOT thinking of myself but of those that depend on me an those that I let down. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I just plug along, try my best, FAIL time & time again and be depressed..........SEE, thats how it works...............
love you though babe,