muppetchrist

A is home. There is drama. Though it isn't intolerable. This stuff would probably have me all weepy like a hormonal teenage girl a few weeks ago. I guess we're making progress.

In other news, I keep having this problem. I go on dates with girls. I tell them up front that I'm wanting to take things slow. I just finished getting hurt - and by "getting hurt" I mean "getting my shit stomped down on an epic scale" - and so far, I haven't had the best luck with dating. They say they understand. We go on one, or two, or three dates. I lose interest, whether it be lack of chemistry, or no real desire to do anything long term, or whatever the case may be. In the same time they have, apparently, fallen in love with me, so when I tell them I'm not interested in seeing them anymore, they're going to continue to text me, be upset, call me names, and get hurt. This has happened three times in the last months. It is, as we speak, apparently happening again.

I don't want to stop dating. Like anyone else, I appreciate companionship, I like affection, I like attention. I don't want to stay here, alone, living with the ghost of my former engagement while my ex-fiance is out riding her new boyfriend and his circus dong. (I've been told he needs to special order condoms from the internet, his girth is too big for Magnums. Too. Fucking. Much. Information.) I want to meet new people. Why is it the only girls that I get excited about these days live far away? I want to meet some people in my area.

I'm not doing anything shady or wrong. I'm not leading anyone on. I'm clear and open and honest about my intent, what I want, and what I don't want. But no matter what I do, or how slowly I go, this just keeps happening. I don't want to hurt anyone. If I can't find a way to stop this from happening, then I may have to go into self-imposed celibacy or something.

Stupid god damn stupid stupid.