muneca

right now im at my lowest of lows =[

>i just gotta gig as a cleaning lady ..not getting paid much or often
>thats pretty much the only job ive been able to find cuz of the economy
>putting off collage once again because im moving to florida and you have to wait six months to become a florida citizen to attend
>everything in my life right now is unorganized and messy including my house (havent washed clothes in months etc etc)
>i have one pair of contacts left ..my glasses are broken and i have no med insurance yet

i feel like i complete screw up ..and i hate feeling that way ..ive come from having my own apt and getting my ged ,having a great job ..to ...getting my hours cut ,getting kicked out,living with my mom,and cleaning fucking bathrooms...
plus i havent been able to find a photographer for my new sg set ...so ive been putting that off for the longest ..i mean photographers were interested ..we set up meetings and all ..but then something comes up with me or him/her ,my girlfriend doesnt feel comfortable with me taking nude pics with someone else ..etc etc

ughhhhhh i wanna scream at the top of my lungs ..the majority of why so many things are on hold in my life is because of my relationship ....my girl accepted a offer on a house in florida hence me moving down there and putting off yet another year of school...if i work to much she wants me to quit my jobs and spend more time with her.. ..if i work to little ima lazy ass ...and she needs help with the bills...im at a point in my life where im stuck .evrything around me is execling and moving.. and im stuck in the same fucking positon..mind you i come from a puerto rican family....so i get judged to the extreme..so in my position now ..i basically just signed my name on the dotted line for the family fuck up contract ..and then theres always the other cousin/niece/grandaughter/family member doing so much better then you.. so they get put on the golden pedalstal ..the family jewels ..thats my brother right now..and dont get me wrong ..im so proud of him...but i hate to be kicked when im down...family does that to you somtimes...
i still have
credit card bill to pay
i have to pay this comp off
i have to find a a way to renew my prescribe for birthcontrol ...its 65 dollars without insurance...

im pretty overwhelmed...i hope things will get better ...i just have to get on the ball..work harder ..do somthing different ..i dont know...
on the bright side ive been walking 3 miles a day..lol ive joined this challange where you walk everyday and log in your miles on this online blog..it gives you how many calories you burned and all..and you get to win prizes...im really starting to see a difference in my body ..and im watching what i eat..at least i have control over that!!!