Normally I hate those uber-philosophical rants people go on about themselves like any one else gives a shit, but this one's mine so there. Hate if you want, it means something to me...
My name is Mike Slutz. I'm 26 years old. Over the past several years, it's become apparent my teenage wish to live fast and die young no longer applies. Here I am, more than a quarter of a century old faced with the prospect of another three quarters of a century's worth of existence and everything I used to hold dear - all my old mottos and beliefs and philosophies - all of these have either been shattered or morphed into something unrecognizable. I find myself in the position of no longer being the boy I was in college and having to define myself as an adult. An ex-anarchist, corporate-hating, punk rock, alcoholic, now 3 years into a career and actually enjoying being a company man. When did this happen? How? I look in the mirror and no longer recognize the man staring back. All I see is a blank slate, a fresh start. And so I ask myself: what do I believe? What are my values? What do I stand for? What do I want to accomplish in life? Most importantly, who am I?
I spent the better part of 20 years trying to define myself as an outcast, a rebel, an outsider. I liked the things no one else liked. I did the things no one else wanted to do. I stayed up late, did things my way, and drank myself stupid almost every night. I got into arguments and fights, criticized the people for the clothes they wore and the things they believed, and never passed up an opportunity to tell someone I didn't like their lifestyle. When I reached 18, I was shocked more than anything. Shocked I had made it that far. College had always seemed like an afterthought and I treated it as such. I moved to California, went to USC, and didn't expect to live to see 21. When that came and went, I didn't know what to do. I drank harder, partied longer, and rebelled against more things than ever, but it was becoming increasingly harder to ignore the so-called "real world" closing in on me. I didn't have any plans, never really did. I just kind of kept moving forward, one foot in front of the other. All the while discarding beliefs, compromising values, and giving up on hopes and dreams, but never creating new ones. And here I am today, a somewhat muted version of my former self, looking at myself in the mirror and wondering, so what now?
I don't take many positions these days. Politics. Sports. Music. All things I used to argue vehemently with anyone in earshot. Now I just go to work, go home, and go to bed. I still like reading, but I don't do it as often as I would like. I still want to be a writer, but I haven't written anything real in years. I still play guitar, but I haven't played live in over a year. I feel empty. Not much moves me. It's hard to take a stance when you're numb to the world around you. This is a problem because my passions never died and manifest themselves in awkward ways. I yell at bad drivers. I curse people who can't do their job. But why? It's obvious a part of me still cares, and it's obvious I'm going to be here for a while. So what then? What does Mike Slutz stand for? What does Mike Slutz believe? What does Mike Slutz think is the single greatest thing he could ever hope to accomplish in life?
After thinking it over, it becomes clear what I value more than anything else in the world: individuality. People who have something to say. Something they believe in. Something that motivates them to get up in the morning and make a difference. Something to differentiate them from the 6 billion other people on this planet. I love people who are not afraid. Not afraid to be themselves, to be different. I cherish uniqueness. I love the unexpected, the random. I love different cultures, schools of thought. I love learning from people, about people. Above all I cherish perspectives different from my own. It challenges me, invigorates me.
This is the problem I run into. There's too many people who are too scared of dying to actually live. Too few people taking chances. When I was younger, I hung out with a crowd that believed live fast, die young. Did I really believe it? Absolutely, I lived as fast as I could and I have the scars to prove it, except I didn't die. It bothers me to see people moving slow. Stop and smell the roses? Absolutely, but then move on. Too many daydreamers, too many sightseers, too many rubbernecks on the freeway. We're too busy watching other people live their lives to live our own. Too busy saying I wish that was me to actually go out and do it. I believe that the most important step is the first. Just doing something is good, it forces change, it sets a chain reaction. Things will never be the same. Start your own band, make your own movie, write your own book.
The next two values I hold dear are ownership and speed. You own your own destiny, you control it. And once you know what you want, you better go get it. I'm sick of hearing people talk. And talk. And talk. Let's do this. Let's do that. No, just do this. Just do that. But I'm no better. I got lost in the dream world of Los Angeles, watch everyone else be a star. I stood there waiting for someone to walk up to me and ask me to join their party. But no more. I'm tired of standing still. I keep looking at people who've done more in less time. It hurts me to see. But it's time to stop looking. It's time to start doing. It's time.
My name is Mike Slutz. I'm 26 years old. Over the past several years, it's become apparent my teenage wish to live fast and die young no longer applies. Here I am, more than a quarter of a century old faced with the prospect of another three quarters of a century's worth of existence and everything I used to hold dear - all my old mottos and beliefs and philosophies - all of these have either been shattered or morphed into something unrecognizable. I find myself in the position of no longer being the boy I was in college and having to define myself as an adult. An ex-anarchist, corporate-hating, punk rock, alcoholic, now 3 years into a career and actually enjoying being a company man. When did this happen? How? I look in the mirror and no longer recognize the man staring back. All I see is a blank slate, a fresh start. And so I ask myself: what do I believe? What are my values? What do I stand for? What do I want to accomplish in life? Most importantly, who am I?
I spent the better part of 20 years trying to define myself as an outcast, a rebel, an outsider. I liked the things no one else liked. I did the things no one else wanted to do. I stayed up late, did things my way, and drank myself stupid almost every night. I got into arguments and fights, criticized the people for the clothes they wore and the things they believed, and never passed up an opportunity to tell someone I didn't like their lifestyle. When I reached 18, I was shocked more than anything. Shocked I had made it that far. College had always seemed like an afterthought and I treated it as such. I moved to California, went to USC, and didn't expect to live to see 21. When that came and went, I didn't know what to do. I drank harder, partied longer, and rebelled against more things than ever, but it was becoming increasingly harder to ignore the so-called "real world" closing in on me. I didn't have any plans, never really did. I just kind of kept moving forward, one foot in front of the other. All the while discarding beliefs, compromising values, and giving up on hopes and dreams, but never creating new ones. And here I am today, a somewhat muted version of my former self, looking at myself in the mirror and wondering, so what now?
I don't take many positions these days. Politics. Sports. Music. All things I used to argue vehemently with anyone in earshot. Now I just go to work, go home, and go to bed. I still like reading, but I don't do it as often as I would like. I still want to be a writer, but I haven't written anything real in years. I still play guitar, but I haven't played live in over a year. I feel empty. Not much moves me. It's hard to take a stance when you're numb to the world around you. This is a problem because my passions never died and manifest themselves in awkward ways. I yell at bad drivers. I curse people who can't do their job. But why? It's obvious a part of me still cares, and it's obvious I'm going to be here for a while. So what then? What does Mike Slutz stand for? What does Mike Slutz believe? What does Mike Slutz think is the single greatest thing he could ever hope to accomplish in life?
After thinking it over, it becomes clear what I value more than anything else in the world: individuality. People who have something to say. Something they believe in. Something that motivates them to get up in the morning and make a difference. Something to differentiate them from the 6 billion other people on this planet. I love people who are not afraid. Not afraid to be themselves, to be different. I cherish uniqueness. I love the unexpected, the random. I love different cultures, schools of thought. I love learning from people, about people. Above all I cherish perspectives different from my own. It challenges me, invigorates me.
This is the problem I run into. There's too many people who are too scared of dying to actually live. Too few people taking chances. When I was younger, I hung out with a crowd that believed live fast, die young. Did I really believe it? Absolutely, I lived as fast as I could and I have the scars to prove it, except I didn't die. It bothers me to see people moving slow. Stop and smell the roses? Absolutely, but then move on. Too many daydreamers, too many sightseers, too many rubbernecks on the freeway. We're too busy watching other people live their lives to live our own. Too busy saying I wish that was me to actually go out and do it. I believe that the most important step is the first. Just doing something is good, it forces change, it sets a chain reaction. Things will never be the same. Start your own band, make your own movie, write your own book.
The next two values I hold dear are ownership and speed. You own your own destiny, you control it. And once you know what you want, you better go get it. I'm sick of hearing people talk. And talk. And talk. Let's do this. Let's do that. No, just do this. Just do that. But I'm no better. I got lost in the dream world of Los Angeles, watch everyone else be a star. I stood there waiting for someone to walk up to me and ask me to join their party. But no more. I'm tired of standing still. I keep looking at people who've done more in less time. It hurts me to see. But it's time to stop looking. It's time to start doing. It's time.