mtlqueen

I just realized that this is my Saturn Returns year! I had a friend who was really excited to turn 28 because she was all about starting over fresh, and apparently it's really easy to do this when Saturn is in the same position as when you were born, 28 years earlier. Man, I wish I believed in shit like that. I really want to believe that if I wear a piece of fluorite, I can communicate with fairies, and that if I meditate, I can make my period line up with the lunar cycle...I think I have a very vivid imagination, but for some reason I just can't stretch it enough to live wholeheartedly in the ephemeral places where dreamers live. I can't honestly say, that I truly believe, that when I make a piece of jewellery all my energy that I put into making that piece, will be passed on to the wearer. I have another friend, bless her little heart, who swears this is the case. She's a raging buddhist yogi, and she lifts my spirits like nobody else does, but when I come back from Ottawa, I return to wearing my cement shoes. What a let down. I guess I get my fill of imaginary pals when I am in my every day life, talking to my kitties, working (happily, most of the time) by myself in my workshop. I'm the type of person who stops on a very regular basis to notice how blue the sky is, and I watch kids play in the park and I don't hate their screeches, I ignore that part...There's always a moment when kids are playing when they stop what they're doing and have "a moment", whether it's picking a scab and eating it, or flopping on the grass, rolling down a hill, eating flower petals, you know, weird kid stuff. It looks like they just decide, screw this! I'm going to whip chestnuts at that tree stump! And they just do it. They change their minds and in a second they've thrown themselves wholeheartedly into something completely different, and they don't even bat an eyelash. I have no desire to be a kid again, I do, however, want to be LIKE a kid again in that way. When the game is tired, make up a new one! If I can relax my brain enough to let myself colour outside the lines every now and then, I bet I'd be a much happier person. I give everyone in the world the benefit of playtime, making mistakes, time to grow and learn and do, but for some reason, I get the fucking shaft. No fuck ups allowed. Maybe that's why I've been so uninspired to work on any of my new projects, I talk myself out of new ideas all the time...How am I supposed to work on anything new when I can't be bothered to try??? Holy socks, I need a serious kick in the ass. I'm going to call my friend in Ottawa and let her talk me into the stars again, maybe then I'll ALLOW myself to make some mistakes and start something new.