Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the Flower and Jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0, and Poker Night 2.1. Conversation 8.0 still exists but no longer runs as frequently, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running the Nagging 2.0 Beta to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed, Desperate



Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system in its most basic form. Please visit http://www.IThoughtYouLovedMe.com/Husband.html and try to download Tears 6.2. Don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update while you are there. If these applications work as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the newest versions of Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. We also recommend you purchase the Hot Lingerie 2.5 add-on to Husband 1.0, which will greatly increase performance if used properly.

But remember, overuse of Tears 6.2 can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Safe Mode. In Safe Mode, the only programs that will initialize are Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.

(NOTE: Beer 6.1, when run in Safe Mode, has been shown to cause the download of Strip Club 4.0. This program was also included in Boyfriend 5.0, which many users enjoyed, but it may have some negative side effects when run in Husband 1.0.)

To exit the Safe Mode programs you must execute Sex 2.0. You might recognize Sex 1.0 from your experience using Boyfriend 5.0. The newer version exists in Husband 1.0, but plays a much smaller role in the user's daily operation of the system. Occasional play with the joystick while running Sex 2.0 could cause the program to terminate its function early and tends to prevent too many problems while saving the user some valuable time. But you should always remember to run Sex 2.0 at least once a week, even if you don't notice any Safe Mode problems with Husband 1.0. Sex 2.0 acts as an effective protection against the newer, more modern strains of the Girlfriend virus, which has been shown to destroy the user interface with Husband 1.0 and cause lots of strain on the user.

(NOTE: You may also choose to install Kinky Sex 1.0 or the Kinky Sex 1.1 Beta to improve performance. This program is highly effective, but it may carry risks if you use a version that includes a third party modification. Always protect Husband 1.0 with Condom 9.95 when running any version of Kinky Sex with any unknown third party modifications.)

IMPORTANT: Update Sex 2.0 as often as possible to prevent the performance of Husband 1.0 from slowing down.

IMPORTANT: Never install the freeware program Mother-in-Law 1.0. We acknowledge that it came with Husband 1.0, but it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.

If you are unsatisfied with the performance of Husband 1.0, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. Husband 1.0 is not like Boyfriend 5.0 in that you can run other Boyfriend programs at the same time. Husband 1.0 is much less user friendly in that regard and to run Husband 1.0 and Boyfriend 5.0 at the same time would crash your system. If you wish to run Boyfriend 5.0 again you must first fully uninstall Husband 1.0. Doing so will take a great deal of time and system resources, so please be patient.

Tech Support