So we're sitting at the bar Thursday night, right...
(how many stories have you told that start out that way?)
...when this guy comes up to us. He's maybe 25. Dark hair, dark eyes. I don't know where he was from--India, maybe?--he had this little accent, anyway. And he has this line:
"Can I get some advice from you ladies? I need a female perspective."
Deanna rolled her eyes at me as she turned around to look at him. It was all I could do not to laugh in his face. I mean, honestly...advice as a pick-up line?
Anyway. We listened to his story, Deanna's advice: "Well...do what you want to do." Then she stopped talking. Completely. So I said basically the same thing with more words, and he busts out with, "She (Deanna) is obviously the quiet, intelligent one." So I sort of snort, and Deanna's trying not to laugh so she turns her back on the guy and takes a big drink of her Cosmo. I am so the quiet one 
He got the hint that we didn't want to talk (we thought), and left. Only to return a few minutes later with his friend, who amazingly enough, also needs advice from a female perspective This guy was probably 30 years older than the first guy, and looked like he'd been rode hard and put away wet. Rough lookin' guy, wearing a bad cheap suit and a mismatched fedora. Deanna mumbles, "Sam Spade?" under her breath at me...so I end up with the giggles, which the old guy takes as flirting 
So he lays out what he claims to need advice for: the quick version is, he knows a guy who lives with his girlfriend but is friends with his ex, behind the girlfriend's back. She finds out they're spending time together, and finds hidden pictures of the ex. So she tells the boyfriend "Burn the pictures. It's her or me."...is this a typical woman or a psycho-jealous thing? What would either of us do? Deanna's answer: it's a little of both--it's a woman thing, and it's also psycho-jealous. He's got to figure out who means more to him. My answer: if nothing's going on, why's it a secret? Plenty of people are friends with their exes and don't go around hiding it. So he says, unaware that his little friend has already pulled this line, "You (gesturing to Deanna) are obviously the quiet, intelligent half of this duo." And he said it THREE TIMES. She said something like, "No, I just don't care." So he asks why I think that and I said, "Look, I've been in that kind of relationship before and I won't ever do it again." And he says to me,
"I could never be with you. You're too high maintenance!"
( Me?!? High maintenance?!? )
So I said, "Good thing there's no chance of that...and no, I'm not. I just don't put up with bullshit."
Deanna tapped him on the arm and, because she takes delight in such things, said, "You keep saying that I'm the intelligent one, just because I'm not talking to you. You seriously need to get to know people before you determine anything about them. I'm not quiet, I've been trying to ignore you. She's being polite, and her IQ's a little higher than Einstein's was. Now have a good evening, won't you?"
Um, it took about 2 seconds for them to take their leave
Finally, back to my margarita and flirting with the little bartender boy
(how many stories have you told that start out that way?)
...when this guy comes up to us. He's maybe 25. Dark hair, dark eyes. I don't know where he was from--India, maybe?--he had this little accent, anyway. And he has this line:
"Can I get some advice from you ladies? I need a female perspective."
Deanna rolled her eyes at me as she turned around to look at him. It was all I could do not to laugh in his face. I mean, honestly...advice as a pick-up line?
Anyway. We listened to his story, Deanna's advice: "Well...do what you want to do." Then she stopped talking. Completely. So I said basically the same thing with more words, and he busts out with, "She (Deanna) is obviously the quiet, intelligent one." So I sort of snort, and Deanna's trying not to laugh so she turns her back on the guy and takes a big drink of her Cosmo. I am so the quiet one
He got the hint that we didn't want to talk (we thought), and left. Only to return a few minutes later with his friend, who amazingly enough, also needs advice from a female perspective
This guy was probably 30 years older than the first guy, and looked like he'd been rode hard and put away wet. Rough lookin' guy, wearing a bad cheap suit and a mismatched fedora. Deanna mumbles, "Sam Spade?" under her breath at me...so I end up with the giggles, which the old guy takes as flirting So he lays out what he claims to need advice for: the quick version is, he knows a guy who lives with his girlfriend but is friends with his ex, behind the girlfriend's back. She finds out they're spending time together, and finds hidden pictures of the ex. So she tells the boyfriend "Burn the pictures. It's her or me."...is this a typical woman or a psycho-jealous thing? What would either of us do? Deanna's answer: it's a little of both--it's a woman thing, and it's also psycho-jealous. He's got to figure out who means more to him. My answer: if nothing's going on, why's it a secret? Plenty of people are friends with their exes and don't go around hiding it. So he says, unaware that his little friend has already pulled this line, "You (gesturing to Deanna) are obviously the quiet, intelligent half of this duo." And he said it THREE TIMES. She said something like, "No, I just don't care." So he asks why I think that and I said, "Look, I've been in that kind of relationship before and I won't ever do it again." And he says to me,
"I could never be with you. You're too high maintenance!"
(
Me?!? High maintenance?!? )
So I said, "Good thing there's no chance of that...and no, I'm not. I just don't put up with bullshit."
Deanna tapped him on the arm and, because she takes delight in such things, said, "You keep saying that I'm the intelligent one, just because I'm not talking to you. You seriously need to get to know people before you determine anything about them. I'm not quiet, I've been trying to ignore you. She's being polite, and her IQ's a little higher than Einstein's was. Now have a good evening, won't you?"
Um, it took about 2 seconds for them to take their leave
Finally, back to my margarita and flirting with the little bartender boy
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
That was really funny! Guys can be such dumb asses...