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Well, the crush has just about ended. She's a cute girl from work and is totally cool but we have nothing in common. Except our lips. We both have awesome lips.

Hung out with some friends tonight that I don't see too often. It's a good thing though. Whenever we hang out they just end up creating drama and I hate drama.

I've known them both (they are brother) for eight years and it's sad to see how much I've grown in those eight years and they are static. It's horrible. I wish I could just say that when they grow up is when we can start being close again but that's not going to happen so I don't see us being compadres again any time soon. At least not to the degree that we used to be.

It's funny in our household. I'm like the mother hen. I take care of all of the bills and make sure everything runs smoothly. It's not a big chore and I prefer to do it because at least I know that everything will be taken care of and nothing will go behind. But it also means that I have to be the moderator in the house and I have to be the shoulder to cry on.

It's honor that my roommates trust me as much as they do. It just sometimes makes it hard when I have to hear from both ends how they are doing when things are not going great. I choosse not to burden them with my life and instead I open up my ears but when something comes along like this week it is just a blow to me.

One of my roommates came home and called me as soon as he got home. I was out with some peeps and I was having a good time but when he called me I knew that something was wrong. He didn't sound like the guy that I have known for the past eleven years.

I get home and he is outside smoking a cigarette. I ask him what's wrong and he tells me that hewas thinking of killing himself. We go through a conversation about why he felt like this and it finally comes out that it is about a girl.

Fucking A.

He's not the world's smoothest person when it comes to the fairer sex. In fact, he's downright clueless. But he's a good guy and it's a shame that women do not like him for who he is. He'd make the perfect partner for a lucky gal but he hasn't found that someone and it starting to take it's toll on him.

He's lonely and miserable and he thinks that having a girlfriend is going to solve that problem. It's unfortunate that he is in that mindframe because it doesn't solve all problems. It's wonderful to have somebody there for you when your friends just can't make you feel good. But to think about offing oneself because they havn't had a girlfriend in a long time is just stupid.

It's not just the girl. he has money problems now and again and that doesn't help. He's not in his career choice like he believes he should be. But the biggest factor for him feeling like shit is because a girl that he knows does not want him. It's fucking sad.

He's better now (or at least he claims to be) but tonight he started to get into that frame of mind that he was at a week ago. So I talked to hima little just to make sure he is fine but it scares me. This guy is like my brother. He is family. I don't know what I'd do without him.

Sure life would go on and I would be fine after a period of mourning but that is something I don't need--or want.

I'm sure that this will pass and things will go back to normal but for the time I'm going to be concerned for my brother and make sure that he is living as happily as he can.

It's what I'd do for any of my family.