ms

First off: Did everybody make sure to buy the new Jimmy Eat World c.d. yesterday? Shame on you if you didn't.

Next off: I'm hanging out with a bunch of friends last night. Drinking a bit, talking, making fun of people that we all collectively don't like, friend stuff.

In the group that was there yesterday there were nine people. There were two couples and three of the other people there are in relationships. The other person just got out of a relationship due to her ex moving away for a job. He wanted to go, she didn't, they decided to split. Then there was me.

I have not been in a relationship for about a year and a half. In fact, it ended on February 9th, 2003 (I remember because we were supposed to go see Coldplay and I ended taking a friend--I sound like John Cusack in "High Fidelity" right now.) Since then I have been on a few dates and have been in a few small things but nothing concrete or definite.

So, of course, the inevitable "When are you gonna get a girlfriend, Sal?" question comes up. I hate that fucking question. I get it asked it way too many times by way too many people and the answer is always the same: When I find somebody that I connect with, wholly.

Well, this time I was called out on that statement. It has been brought to my attention that I have been introduced to many available women and I, as of yet, have not found anybody that I truly wanted to start a relationship with. The list of girls that were possibles starts. Names are being dropped and people are asking "What was wrong with her? What was wrong with this one? What was wrong with that one?" On and on and on. It get's tiring.

I finally say that nothing is wrong with any of the people mentioned, they just were not the one for me.

Then I fuck up.

I say that in my relationships I have always settled for somebody who was not perfect to me. There were drug problems (they got clean with my support) and mental problems (I found this out after we started dating and I suffered through the swings for about a year--never again) and the I will not be with anybody, any longer, unless they are perfect to me. Then I start to point out the things about the previous girls that had been mentioned. This one drinks too much. This one smokes pot too much. This one just wasn't attractive to me. This one was boring. This one has shitty taste in music. This one is not as smart as I'd like her to be.

Ooooh. This one is not as smart as I'd like her to be. That raised some eyebrows.

So everybody takes it upon themself to dissect what I am looking for in a woman. All of these girls were wonderful looking. They were all fairly nice to be around (except for the boring one--enough said about that) but I am looking for something else. The conclusion arrives that I am looking for perfection.

As if it wasn't bad enough this conversation starts to lap over into my relationships that I have with the my friends. Almost every single one of them says that I made them feel, at one point in our friendship, dumb. I am confused by this but they start to elaborate. I had everything from lecturing one of the couples on their finances (they are constantly broke) to going to bar with one of the guys and kicking his ass at that freaking Playmaker game where the trivia questions are answered via the remote box that is provided by the waitperson.

Then accusations (I hate to use the word because of the negative connotations associated with it, but that's what they are, accusations) start to get thrown around that I am elitist. I am told that I hold people who do not have sophisticated (another word that I hate to use but it was the one that was used when the explanation was given to me) tastes and who are not smart in lower regards than somebody who is smart or has the same tastes as I do.

Elitist. That word really has me thinking. Am I a bourgeious prick? The same type of people that I generally dislike are what I am being compared to. It wasn't meant to be hurtful but, in truth, it does hurt. I have always rallied for the underdog. I have defended my friends against those who try to shit on them because they are not smart or "sophisticated." Yet, I am accused of being arrogant.

I know that the conversation was all in good fun but truthfully, it has me thinking about my relationships that I have with people. I can see where some of the people may consider me arrogant or elitist and now I am here evaluating my position in the friendship totem-pole.

Am I an arrogant prick because I don't want to settle for a girl that is anything but the best?