I updated this at the bottom. I wont be online for a bit AGAIN. This blog made me realize that I am getting too hurt at other ppls actions so I need to regroup. See ya soon.....
Its 1AM and I cant sleep. My head is so full of snot and I have a lot weighing heavily on me right now.
Some are good things.
Some are fun things.
Some are just plain crappy things.
But I believe that we must purge these things. Some how some way. I dont want to keep these things inside and let them fester. I want to let them out so I can be free to swim happily.
I am going to leave this up for awhile. I usually blog everyday, sometimes a FEW times a day. But these things need to be said. Some of the ppl I am referring to (in no order of importance) are on here. Some are not. But this is MY journal. And these are genuine emotions that I have everyday. Ya wanna know why I get sad? Well take a look.
Enter at your own risk.
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
I am sorry.
I am sorry that you opened this.
I am sorry that I dont make you proud.
I am sorry that I am awake and not in bed with you purring.
I am sorry that YOU feel I was rude, when I was only trying to be firm.
I am sorry that I work a crazy job where I have to put customers FIRST.
I am sorry that I have lost so many friends to things that should not matter.
I am sorry that you are sick.
I am sorry that you are hurting.
I am sorry that you WERE hurting.
I am sorry that we fell in love, but were not right for each other.
I am sorry that I WANTED to fall in love, but you scared me.
I am sorry you cant be an adult about things.
I am sorry that I cant respond every time.
I am sorry that I am just not good enough.
I am sorry that I am just not pretty enough.
I am sorry that YOU DRIVE ME UP THE FUCKING WALL!
I am sorry that I wish you would just go away.
I am sorry that I can be a catty bitch.
I am sorry that I have diabetes.
I am sorry that I dont feel like a whole woman.
I am sorry I cant be there when you have a tough day JUST to put my arms around you.
I am sorry that I am a bad friend.
I am sorry I cant get rid of that program for you.
I am sorry you are stupid.
I am sorry I need to put myself first sometimes.
I am sorry I am so emotional.
I am sorry we didnt see eye to eye.
I am sorry I didnt agree with your opinion.
I am sorry I DONT think you are pretty.
I am sorry I dont know how to tell you JUST how pretty you ARE.
I am sorry you are still reading this.
I am sorry I carry this everyday.
I am sorry you are a selfish prick.
I am sorry we will never be friends again.
I am sorry we are not friends right now.
I am sorry I said all these bad things.
I am sorry that I still feel they are true.
I am sorry I am not sound asleep, and will be cranky tomorrow.
I am sorry I feel that sometimes I suck. I dont mean to put myself down.
I am sorry for all the things I have done.
and I am sorry for all the things I will do.
I count that as about 42 times I have said I am sorry. There were more than one to more than one person, but you get the idea.
For some of these I will just have to BE sorry, until it is either fixed, or I feel better.
For some of these its not necessarily a bad thing.
And for some, well I will not be sorry anymore. I cannot carry this burden anymore. I have said I am sorry HOW MANY TIMES?
How many have I ever gotten in return?
Please dont reply with an I'm sorry. This is NOT for YOU to get things off YOUR chest. This is for ME.
So I wake up today and feel not one bit better. Ya it probably IS shark wekk on its way but I log on to SG and I feel the need for a spoiler where I can add some I'm sorry. Ya I suck so fucking bad that WHILE I WAS SLEEPING things happened that are apparently MY fault.
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
I am sorry that you didnt actually read what I was saying.
I am sorry that I had to go back today and put it in bold.
I am sorry I didnt get a chance to wish you a happy birthday.
I am sorry that I have so many emotions.
I am sorry that at 5AM I am sleeping.
I am sorry that I dont respond while sleeping unless it is an emergency.
I am sorry I log on at all at this point.
wait....ya know what? FUCK THIS!!??
Now pay attention because i am only going to say this on fucking time...so if ya miss it than its on YOU and YOU will be the asshole not me!
I AM SORRY FOR EVERYTHING I DO. APPARENTLY I CANT EVEN POST MY FEELINGS IN MY PERSONAL BLOG. APPARENTLY I SUCK AT BEING A HUMAN. SO HERE IS YOUR ONE FINAL IM SORRY...
I'M SORRY THAT ALL THESE THINGS FALL ON ME. I LOVE ME AND FOR THAT I AM NOT SORRY.
IF YOU DONT THAN LEAVE MY POND. I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!
Fishy
PS I am sorry I cant make 2 weeks go faster! 
I hope you feel better hun