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mrsted_stryker

Albuquerque

Member Since 2007

Followers 58 Following 107

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Sunday Jun 29, 2008

Jun 29, 2008
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Ya know how i said I could hang?
I might have been mistaken.

Her pain is ok but she is on so much meds she is hallucinating and talking in her sleep. She wakes up and calls my phone when I am sleeping in the other room to ask me questions like " I need to go to the bathroom, can you take me to the one downstairs?" She lives in a one bedroom apartment.
She snores
She doesnt make sense
and I am not getting any sleep.
And she just now DEMANDED I get up and help her to the bathroom yet she has been insisting she do it all by herself all day! There is never a thank you. Just a "do this" "do that" "bring me this"
I feel bad for being like this but I am in pain too.
I still have to work.
And I still have to find the money I need for bills and my shoot next week.

I am eating better but the circles under my eyes are so bad that I dont think even PHOTOSHOP will help.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

I guess there is a part of me that resents having to take care of her. She let my stepdad abuse me mentally for years. She has even been that person before. She took care of me when I was dying only to throw it back in my face. I have worked on forgiveness for almost 10 years and so far it escapes me. I now dont want to forgive, I just want to forget. I guess this is why I dont want to be here right now. I am just not the type fo person to walk away and leave someone in need. I dont think its admirable, I think its pathetic actually.



If it werent for Jakeanugget I dont know what I would do. That man takes such good care of me and I dont tell him often enough how much I appreciate it or him.

I dont know, I cant pay my bills, I have exactly ZERO dollars for extra anything, I am stressed about my mom, still stressed about work, starting to stress about my pictures, STILL dont feel good, yet for some reason I feel......happy?

I dont know.

Thanks for being understanding. MOST of you paid attention to me when I said not to call me...and I appreciate that. I cant answer my phone because the apt is so small she can hear my conversation PLUS the ringing wakes her up.

I loves you my pretties....and i miss you all!

OH and I forgot to tell ya what I did. I tried to convince my mom and jakanugget to let me strip for a month so I can buy a Wii. Jakeanugget gently reminded me that I wont even do a stripteast for HIM and my mom told me I was an idiot, I dont get it tho. I could pay some bills AND buy a Wii!!
sigh
The Wii has a hold of my heart. I will die without one!
*shakes fist at lack of money*
frown

VIEW 14 of 14 COMMENTS
davy:
stick with it sweetie... do the careing bit and yes suffer the grief but at least it'll be over soon and then when it's your turn and when you and your needs and turn away from others your can do so knowing that its your turn?

I can't say i have any experience to draw on but can i agree with Jewelz ( if i may) and if you can and want to strip to earn extra cash then it's your life and your choices and there ain't nothing wrong with it.... but do make sure you take someone ( and Jake does sound like he would be good and give you a straight up opinion ) to check out the place and the vibe first... and listen to what he says! You're in charge, and your "you" but sometimes you need to hear/see another persons perspective as well so you can put your "personal" space in the right place.
.... shit have i been drinkin too much tonight LOL

blush
kiss kiss
Jun 30, 2008
flores:
Good!
My set is supposed to be somewhat campy and funny. smile
Jun 30, 2008

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