mrsted_stryker

Yes we all know that I have health issues, and many of you have many as well. Do you ever feel like they are too much to handle and you want to crawl in bed and go to sleep and never wake up? NO I am not suicidal so get THAT one out of you head but I am quickly hitting the point where my giveashitter is broken for good.
I cant have surgery on my foot until my diabetes gets better. My foot hurts so bad that it hurts even when I am sleeping and off it.
My belly hurts so bad and I dont think its a cyst that burst. Would it still hurt every once in a while? Wouldn't the pain go away once it burst?
I need to go to a good dentist. My mouth hurts so bad that it hurts to eat, so I dont often and that is messing with my diabetes as well. I have Medicaid and I cant find a dentist that accepts it so I am just in pain all the time.
I love my job. Plain and simple. But I am not making the money that I need even with my raise. I was referred to Comcast when I called to make the payment today and found out that my bill would be less than $50 which is much better than the $130 I am paying now.
I honestly have the best boyfriend I could ever ask for. He is young but treats me better than I have ever been treated yet I am so scared I am gonna loose him. Its really not fair to HIM that he has to watch me go through all this and there is nothing he can do to help. I cant have kids and to be honest I know that my health is failing me, so do I end it and loose the best thing that has ever happened to me or let him watch this and be happy that he loves me enough to stay? I guess I should enjoy the time we have but at the same time I feel like I am robbing him of a relationship where he has a future.
I really am stressed. Money is tight and I am too sick to pick up more shifts. I have TWO photo shoots (yes one is for SG) in two weeks and I need to buy some things for them but its almost to the point of what do I buy? Food or stuff for something that means more to me than anything other than my relationship?
I wanna give up so bad. I want to crawl into bed and let the inevitable happen. I dont want to be strong and fight anymore. I keep fighting and fighting and it never gets better. Sometimes I feel happy because fun stuff happens or something great happens with the boy but bottom line I am sick and in pain and feel like shit more often than not.
Maybe this post will help me. Maybe it wont. All I know is I dont know how much longer I can put up with a body that doesnt respect me. I try to respect IT and give it rest and insulin and food but does it ever give ME a break? no.
If I could pay off my bills and get ahead and get some rest followed by a job making more money I think it might get a tiny bit better but I mean seriously, for how long?
Until another health bomb drops on my head.