mrsmeaney

My grandma is in the hospital for the third time since Tommy was born. Things are not looking good. I've never dealt with death before, so I'm struggling with my feelings about this. There's no point to "staying optimistic" anymore. So I guess I'm just waiting for the inevitable. And I'll deal with it when I need to.

Meaney talked to my sister about it, and said "She seems pretty torn up. Is she closer to your grandma than you are?" And it really hurt my feelings. Not what he said..but just the fact that my inability to deal with my emotions is coming across as indifference. I simply do not know what to say. Or even what to feel. I guess I just haven't accepted that this is really happening. I want nothing more but to have that "last talk" with my grandma. To say goodbye, and to soak in as much of her wisdom as I can. But I don't see that happening. So for now, all I am feeling is impending regret because of that.

In other news, Tommy is being extremely difficult lately, and I have resorted to climbing into his crib with him in order to ease his separation anxiety. The crib is sturdy and I like to cuddle. So it's no problem for me. For now.

Edited to say: I am a crib-dwelling fool. I know this. Advice is welcome.