I said I wasn't going to talk about my relationship anymore until issues were resolved. And on Monday night, they were, we broke up.
The night was just really sad. Things went better than I thought, but it was still the end of a 5 year long relationship. It was also the night I think we were most honestly outward with our feelings than ever before. And that's one huge thing that put me at ease.
It's always nice to know that the person you love loves you just as much.
All mistakes and uncalled for behaviour aside, I could really see how much this hurt him. I always thought I would be the one crying, and he would be emotionally reserved like always, but it wasn't like that at all.
Monday night, I realized that I was losing my best friend in the entire world. And it sucks.
He told me how much he wants to keep me in his life, but over the past few months he just hasn't felt the same love for me as he once did. And I could never blame him for that, you just can't control things like that.
It was horribly painful for both of us. But I guess it was just time.
I'm doing freakishly well this week, considering. I'm almost concerned for myself because I'm not crying every day. It's almost as if I've already accepted the whole thing and started the healing process and it hasn't even been a week yet! I guess I'm a lot stronger than I thought
I do believe that nothing physical ever happened between him and the ex that he was communicating with, because of all of the guys that have tried to haul out of him whether or not he cheated, and every time he would act disgusted that they would even ask.
But I guess I'll never know the truth, even if something crazy happens in the future and we rekindle things- I'll never know.
So now I'm doing everything in my power to keep busy, like hang out with friends more often which has been amazing. I still think about him 100 times a day. It's especially hard not to though, we work accross the hall from eachother.
Fuck, I love him so much. But I want him to be happy more than I want to pretend we're okay.
Me and my girlfriends are planning to party hard next weekend in Toronto, where we're going to rent a hotel and get all dolled up and bar hop.
And if a guy happens to buy me a drink, I guess I don't have to feel so bad.
xo
The night was just really sad. Things went better than I thought, but it was still the end of a 5 year long relationship. It was also the night I think we were most honestly outward with our feelings than ever before. And that's one huge thing that put me at ease.
It's always nice to know that the person you love loves you just as much.
All mistakes and uncalled for behaviour aside, I could really see how much this hurt him. I always thought I would be the one crying, and he would be emotionally reserved like always, but it wasn't like that at all.
Monday night, I realized that I was losing my best friend in the entire world. And it sucks.
He told me how much he wants to keep me in his life, but over the past few months he just hasn't felt the same love for me as he once did. And I could never blame him for that, you just can't control things like that.
It was horribly painful for both of us. But I guess it was just time.
I'm doing freakishly well this week, considering. I'm almost concerned for myself because I'm not crying every day. It's almost as if I've already accepted the whole thing and started the healing process and it hasn't even been a week yet! I guess I'm a lot stronger than I thought
I do believe that nothing physical ever happened between him and the ex that he was communicating with, because of all of the guys that have tried to haul out of him whether or not he cheated, and every time he would act disgusted that they would even ask.
But I guess I'll never know the truth, even if something crazy happens in the future and we rekindle things- I'll never know.
So now I'm doing everything in my power to keep busy, like hang out with friends more often which has been amazing. I still think about him 100 times a day. It's especially hard not to though, we work accross the hall from eachother.
Fuck, I love him so much. But I want him to be happy more than I want to pretend we're okay.
Me and my girlfriends are planning to party hard next weekend in Toronto, where we're going to rent a hotel and get all dolled up and bar hop.
And if a guy happens to buy me a drink, I guess I don't have to feel so bad.
xo
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it's right on queen st. it used to be a big goth bar but now it's pretty much for anyone alternative. no cover (unless they have a band first so try to aim for 11pm) and drinks are a decent price.