mrpicme

A message to President Bush from a Republican

Dear President Bush,
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's law. I
have learned a great deal from you and try to share that knowledge with
as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual
lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22
clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some
advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws
and how to follow them:
1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and
female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A
frien of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not to Canadians.
Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in
Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair
price for her?
3. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odour for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors.
They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
4. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus
35:2 clearly states that he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated
to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
5. A friend of mine feels that, even though eating shellfish is an
abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality.
I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there "degrees" of abomination?
6. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I
have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses.
Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?
7. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.
19:27. How should they die?
8. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes
me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
9. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two
different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made
of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends
to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all
the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them
(Lev.24:10-16)?
Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair,like
we do with people who sleep with their in-laws (Lev. 20:14)?
I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy
considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can
help.
Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and
unchanging.
MrPicMe